Ý do some relationships seem to have alongside the obvious sexual connection, a sort of caring, sharing, supporting and even ability of each partner to challenge the other in a good sort of way… 

Level 1: Conditioned for Continuity

Biologically we are hard-wired at around teens or adolescents to seek out sexual connections, our hormones literally awaken our awareness of the physical appeal of others

So, the whole idea of working on one’s physical attractiveness to attract a love interest, of course, makes sense since once this hard wiring is awakened during our teens, it is only our deliberate conscious efforts that dampen it…

Some relationships are actually simply Level 1

While on the surface relationships might look the same for example man-woman, man-man, woman-woman… some couples can be in a relationship that even results in a marriage where either ….

a) both parties are level 1

b) one part is level 1

Both parties are level 1

When or if both parties are level 1 then the relationship in addition to being highly-genital (along with other earlier sources of pleasure being used e.g. mouths) the relationship is held together by a sort of strict organized contractual arrangement, each party understands his/her role and ‘great sex’ becomes the point of bonding as well as attending to offspring (remember we are conditioned for continuity)

What’s missing?

From the point of the couple absolutely nothing… but if an onlooker were to observe more closely, these would be the type of couples that look good together, have a ‘happy’ functional, well-run home yet there seems as if that ‘something’ is missing and often the onlooker can best explain it by talking about level 2 couples (which we come to in a bit)

One Party is Level 1

This is the couple where one partner complains of not being happy in the relationship, the sex is good, even great, but “we never go out”… “we don’t do anything together” all the while the other partner cannot appreciate what the problem is as they list all the good things in the relationship….

What’s missing? 

This partner might have gotten caught up in the first pull…the sexual connecting and assumed the intimacy would come in other words they were expecting a level 2 relationship

Level 2 Relationships

Level 2 relationships like level 1 relationship involve some sort of sexual connection or physical attraction, in these cases though the attraction might have either been instant or developed over time…

but one thing happens here, after the initial exploring in whatever way the couple does of the sexual/genital (et al.) connection, the partners begin to connect as a small social circle, they share their stories, interests, find commonalities, consider differences and build a support system of two, in other words they become intimate and so the relationship has sexual connections as well as other connections and the sexual connection becomes simply another form of intimacy for the couple…

This intimacy is then noticeable and felt by others (recall that thing that the happy level 1 couple was missing, well that’s it)

But the question is how do we get to level 2 intimacy? 

Actually, our capacity for level 2 intimacy was being built long before we became teens, it was being built as we bonded with our parents/caregivers who were teaching us whether it is safe to trust others and to be vulnerable with them… 

if we learned to trust and bond relatively well with our parents/caregivers we are primed to go beyond the genital connection that sets in during teens

 

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