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Thought of what to right to introduce this video but then saw this https://www.inc.com/justin-bariso/ubers-new-ceo-just-sent-an-amazing-email-to-employees-taught-a-major-lesson-in-emotional-intelligence.html There are lots of things daily that can set our emotional energy outward in a way we might regret later and sometimes there is a lot of emotional energy pent up from having to deal with a tough situation, that’s why today we give thanks for our music;

International Children’s Day recognizes children as our future. It is a declaration that children are simply little people with feelings worthy of respect and consideration with a right to safety and decent treatment. Our children eventually become adults who rais future children. Safeguarding our children is safeguarding our communities.

Especially we had International Men’s Day coming the day before International Children’s Day and it is a case of the chicken and the egg, which comes first the boy or the man, for each continues to influence the other and then impact our girls and women;

November 19th was #InternationalMensDay when the time is taken to celebrate our men making a positive contribution to the family and other areas of society. We begin by sharing an interview with one man who overcame the trials of coming from an abusive home to providing a safe and secure emotional and otherwise for his girls

To follow the interview click subscribe and join the CarryOn Psychology Crew!

 

It’s human to have a need for Power. We all have it men women and children. When we think of leaders and politics we understand very clearly the dangers of abuse of power. Often we might not appreciate that our intimate relationships also involves politics and power. Politics has to do with rule and power. In relationships, we allow space for partners to rule and share power. For example, a couple might decide to share the rule over finances. household chores or they might share the rule of the household giving specific areas to one partner or the other. In relationships generally because of partners care, love and respect for each other, each is able to influence the other; that’s power.

In abusive relationships, the politics of love means basically being with a ‘destructive dictator’ who allows no say from those that they rule over (their partner). Power is often gotten by instilling fear in the partner and any perceived ‘crimes’ are dealt with by extreme punishment. It is best to know the signs to not get into an abusive relationship in the first place.

But if already in one it is possible still to develop a BMW relationship… Build More Wonderful relationships in the future either with or without the same partner, each situation is different…

Make contact today!

  1. Now can you make a connection between the picture and the title of the blog? for most of us, it’s a clear no…
  2. Well, how do so many people make a connection between themselves and getting another person to change? Can we really change anhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9XDVvAlYH0other person? But often what these ladies and some men too say, is they can ‘fix’ the person, love them to become the person they notice when they look at them, love them into healing…
  3. But know this … change must come from a willingness within the person and some never will feel a need to change 
  4. So we go along hoping to fix the other person
  5. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HWdmgxuwvlw


6. In ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS… Trying to change another TO “FIX” them, is like trying to speak another language that the other person would never understand… because
7. Often in these relationships, the abuser plays on their partner’s dedication and desire to build a happy home by promising to change… but true change comes from within and often unfortunately many who abuse (not all) are resistant to change

**** so to all the fixer-uppers*** people are not things and the flip side of abuse sometimes is that the partner who desires to fix needs to let go or change or flip that whole idea to even begin to open the door to deal with the domestic violence***

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TF2EQQvbpik

Abuse is Abuse is Abuse!!!!!!! But even so when we notice that the girl/woman is “pretty” by most standards, we really wonder… 

Here’s the Ugly truth! We, the society, well-meaning go off complimenting and complimenting and that pretty girl loses all her other beautiful qualities…and becomes a ‘pretty thing’ …and if she were a real thing that would be okay… but truth is a person as a ‘pretty thing’ actually feels quite unworthy and of little value beyond that 1 thing…

So let’s remember to not just make the ‘pretty’ feel ‘pretty’ but beautiful outside and

INSIDE!!!!!!!!!!!

True Story; 

Sitting with this young female client, early 20s, she talks about the different stresses and trying to keep up with her studies, sometimes feeling anxious, but then after a “yuh know” a good smoke “nah not cigarette, don’t deal with that … “marijuana feel so relaxed” but then after it a bit hard to focus and study”

What really would it mean to legalize marijuana? At what age did most start smoking? … https://thecaribbeancurrent.com/caribbean-dilemma-marijuana-medicine-mental-health-approving-a-good-green-herb-or-agatewaydrug/

The ‘little magician’ they called him, this Trinbagonian ‘midget midfielder’ who created plays using his smarts in midfield; Russell Latapy. And now he is serving the game as a coach to the Trinidad and Tobago U20 Footballers. Could that be why? why there might be an expectation of …

Sports Producing Actually Magicians!

All of the young men in the U20 T&T Team must have had that desire and include some sort of self-discipline for the players to reach this level https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gS8h-Z42-4A

And well after THE LOSS of the game to the USA and watching their chances move away for the bid for another Worldcup, the ‘magician’ coach commented on how goal 6, could have been avoided, with a little more wit from the guys in midfield https://wired868.com/2018/11/06/latapy-usa-were-too-much-for-underprepared-tt-team-but-its-a-learning-experience/ so we already know that there is no way for this ‘magician mid-fielder coach’ to transfer his ‘magic’ to all his players for them to do the same in midfield. Of course, because each player brings their own uniques skill and traits.

But seems T&T is calling for a different sort of magic???

We have heard that the ‘family that prays together, stays together’… well what about the team that plays together stays together …

Sports Performance …

includes skill and talent [x]

includes internal motivation [ x]

includes autonomy (some measure of control)

includes personal accountability,  assertiveness, sensitivity to feedback (which the coach reports his players as having),

includes the ability to stress manage or control the tension 

includes confidence

Now when a coach claims a team in underprepared and not of the team’s doing, what kind of Sports Psychology is taking place there?

  • It means the external environment is decreasing internal motivation
  • It means the structure around the players is reducing competence and confidence
  • It means the physical, financial and other resources are frustrating resourcefulness

It means that the sporting players are actual magicians if they can overcome that all on an ongoing basis and outperform teams who have and are making use of the support and resources around, like having 5 camps to support performance in a game!

Yet when a journalist laid blame at the feet of a League not waiving registration fees to allow the team to play and thus improve skills … the general focus went to

blaming who? … but the bigger point is/was/remains…

countries with serious sports producing actual magic…

find ways to put things in place to support players in developing their skills and preparing for games/leagues/tournaments

seems though the sort of magic that might be the focus for the T&T players is that kind where we say…

abra cadarba and find things appear from nothing!

It has not happened! It would not happen…because

sports produces practicals …. real day to day things that must be attended to and implemented to support the players and the game beyond mouth praise and tongue-lashing criticisms

and  makes magic …. when sportspersons and systems, systems beyond getting a coach, work together to produce desired performances

;;;;;;;;; so seems it is and would be a tough carry=on for T&T players as long as the mindset remains ah come on, please… go out there and

Start Producing Actual MAGIC!

Within all societies there are groups and within those groups there are sub-groups. One of the popular forms of grouping in society is race, colour and ethnicity and gender. 

Research clearly shows that male gender is given superior status to female gender and light skin to dark skin…

So how do dark-skin females manage self-esteem within such a global society? Anyone saw dreamgirls recently (much love to Beyonce and all the actresses) but seriously, well many live the dynamics in that movie daily…

Easy to understand then when ‘Spice’ says she has a dream;

It means that the more melanin present for a female, the more that female needs a song of empowerment to sing, while embracing her sister with the less melanin…

“That which we cannot face we cannot change”

A dynamic in psychology is where the victim identifies with the persecutor, and seems this is what the song is highlighting how those labeled ‘black’ have identified so much with the ‘white oppressive’ views that there is in-group discrimination which interestingly means there is no real genuine solid self-love even for those with a lighter shade…

So what do we do to break free from such views that hurt and do NOT EMPOWER;

Maybe there is no good way to be moved from a person with an ethnic heritage to a mere colour!

Life is like a long distance race with an obstacle course

Life is a game

Bringing it both together and we get a Marathon

Sex and Power Struggles

All sexual encounters involve power. In a healthy sexual encounter, there is respect for the power to attract, arouse, produce pleasure and pain, the power to give and refuse permission

In unhealthy forced sexual encounters, one or more persons are determined to force and subdue another through their using their power…

Sporting Power

So when Hannah made that decision to pick herself up by her crutches and run and run and run and run for miles and miles it is a deep message she delivered to the very fiber of her being and to life in general and to those dealing with life’s obstacles in whatever form …

She was taking her power back one run at a time…

power…simply that ability to do something and

did it she did much to the surprise of many!!!!!!!!!!! https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6354553/Woman-25-paralyzed-trying-escape-sex-attacker-finishes-New-York-City-marathon-crutches.html

………………………

We all have our own unique marathon with its unique obstacles and unlike Hannah, many are not physically paralyzed but psychologically paralyzed by refusing to do what we have to (remember Hannah had to train and train hard) to pick ourselves up and continue running our marathon

…..

New day! Give thanks! and keep going