Relationships are little systems of usually two people impacting each other within a broader system impacting the couple. How could we then look only at one side when considering elimination violent behaviors. Is it that emotional violence is a softer violence? And what about when women do it to each other, or do we just want to eliminate violence coming from men?
Missing out pieces of the puzzle makes it almost impossible to solve!
Everyone of us has a family of origin. This family has shaped our attitudes, behaviours and biology. Time taken to understand it and for others coming into the family to understand it and work on improving ‘natural family tendencies’ can support our mental health and that of future generations.
International Children’s Day recognizes children as our future. It is a declaration that children are simply little people with feelings worthy of respect and consideration with a right to safety and decent treatment. Our children eventually become adults who rais future children. Safeguarding our children is safeguarding our communities.
Especially we had International Men’s Day coming the day before International Children’s Day and it is a case of the chicken and the egg, which comes first the boy or the man, for each continues to influence the other and then impact our girls and women;
November 19th was #InternationalMensDay when the time is taken to celebrate our men making a positive contribution to the family and other areas of society. We begin by sharing an interview with one man who overcame the trials of coming from an abusive home to providing a safe and secure emotional and otherwise for his girls
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It’s human to have a need for Power. We all have it men women and children. When we think of leaders and politics we understand very clearly the dangers of abuse of power. Often we might not appreciate that our intimate relationships also involves politics and power. Politics has to do with rule and power. In relationships, we allow space for partners to rule and share power. For example, a couple might decide to share the rule over finances. household chores or they might share the rule of the household giving specific areas to one partner or the other. In relationships generally because of partners care, love and respect for each other, each is able to influence the other; that’s power.
In abusive relationships, the politics of love means basically being with a ‘destructive dictator’ who allows no say from those that they rule over (their partner). Power is often gotten by instilling fear in the partner and any perceived ‘crimes’ are dealt with by extreme punishment. It is best to know the signs to not get into an abusive relationship in the first place.
But if already in one it is possible still to develop a BMW relationship… Build More Wonderful relationships in the future either with or without the same partner, each situation is different…
Now can you make a connection between the picture and the title of the blog? for most of us, it’s a clear no…
Well, how do so many people make a connection between themselves and getting another person to change? Can we really change anhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9XDVvAlYH0other person? But often what these ladies and some men too say, is they can ‘fix’ the person, love them to become the person they notice when they look at them, love them into healing…
But know this … change must come from a willingness within the person and some never will feel a need to change
6. In ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS… Trying to change another TO “FIX” them, is like trying to speak another language that the other person would never understand… because 7. Often in these relationships, the abuser plays on their partner’s dedication and desire to build a happy home by promising to change… but true change comes from within and often unfortunately many who abuse (not all) are resistant to change
**** so to all the fixer-uppers*** people are not things and the flip side of abuse sometimes is that the partner who desires to fix needs to let go or change or flip that whole idea to even begin to open the door to deal with the domestic violence***
Abuse is Abuse is Abuse!!!!!!! But even so when we notice that the girl/woman is “pretty” by most standards, we really wonder…
Here’s the Ugly truth! We, the society, well-meaning go off complimenting and complimenting and that pretty girl loses all her other beautiful qualities…and becomes a ‘pretty thing’ …and if she were a real thing that would be okay… but truth is a person as a ‘pretty thing’ actually feels quite unworthy and of little value beyond that 1 thing…
So let’s remember to not just make the ‘pretty’ feel ‘pretty’ but beautiful outside and
Sitting with this young female client, early 20s, she talks about the different stresses and trying to keep up with her studies, sometimes feeling anxious, but then after a “yuh know” a good smoke “nah not cigarette, don’t deal with that … “marijuana feel so relaxed” but then after it a bit hard to focus and study”
The ‘little magician’ they called him, this Trinbagonian ‘midget midfielder’ who created plays using his smarts in midfield; Russell Latapy. And now he is serving the game as a coach to the Trinidad and Tobago U20 Footballers. Could that be why? why there might be an expectation of …
And well after THE LOSS of the game to the USA and watching their chances move away for the bid for another Worldcup, the ‘magician’ coach commented on how goal 6, could have been avoided, with a little more wit from the guys in midfield https://wired868.com/2018/11/06/latapy-usa-were-too-much-for-underprepared-tt-team-but-its-a-learning-experience/ so we already know that there is no way for this ‘magician mid-fielder coach’ to transfer his ‘magic’ to all his players for them to do the same in midfield. Of course, because each player brings their own uniques skill and traits.
But seems T&T is calling for a different sort of magic???
We have heard that the ‘family that prays together, stays together’… well what about the team that plays together stays together …
Sports Performance …
includes skill and talent [x]
includes internal motivation [ x]
includes autonomy (some measure of control)
includes personal accountability, assertiveness, sensitivity to feedback (which the coach reports his players as having),
includes the ability to stress manage or control the tension
Now when a coach claims a team in underprepared and not of the team’s doing, what kind of Sports Psychology is taking place there?
It means the external environment is decreasing internal motivation
It means the structure around the players is reducing competence and confidence
It means the physical, financial and other resources are frustrating resourcefulness
It means that the sporting players are actual magicians if they can overcome that all on an ongoing basis and outperform teams who have and are making use of the support and resources around, like having 5 camps to support performance in a game!
Yet when a journalist laid blame at the feet of a League not waiving registration fees to allow the team to play and thus improve skills … the general focus went to
blaming who? … but the bigger point is/was/remains…
countries with serious sports producing actual magic…
find ways to put things in place to support players in developing their skills and preparing for games/leagues/tournaments
seems though the sort of magic that might be the focus for the T&T players is that kind where we say…
abra cadarba and find things appear from nothing!
It has not happened! It would not happen…because
sports produces practicals …. real day to day things that must be attended to and implemented to support the players and the game beyond mouth praise and tongue-lashing criticisms
and makes magic …. when sportspersons and systems, systems beyond getting a coach, work together to produce desired performances
;;;;;;;;; so seems it is and would be a tough carry=on for T&T players as long as the mindset remains ah come on, please… go out there and