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Sometimes the message is clear; he or she is showing clearly for one reason or the other they don’t have the heart to love in a real way…and so they do things to sabotage, they run, they turn away do things to push away…and we remain there asking “why do you keep doing this?” or “what am I doing wrong?” when truth be told is that for one reason of the other the person is incapable of loving anyone in a real way (probably just for this time) but sometimes for some its for a very very long time… and then we might even want to tell the person ‘hush’ as we work harder and harder and harder thinking we have the ‘magic’ needed to bring love out of them… but trust James and hear him as his haunting message would live on forever as true in some situations

During one of her bouts of deep depression Ana May allowed herself the unguarded moment where some insight and truth, her truth was let in…

she Ana had always been the one making the compromises…her Dick simply expected her to

she Ana could always be sure of expressions of love from Dick after he received a compliment on her behalf, after lovemaking, after her support resulted in Dick realizing his goals…

Ana thought to herself but surely nothing is ‘wrong’ with these things, after all ‘any good woman would be happy to do these things’

then a wave of tears came….

its just that Ana allowed herself to admit…

even though she hardly asked for much her little requests were usually considered ‘badly timed’ ‘not really necessary if she thought it over’ ‘giving Dick undue stress’ or ‘just Ana being silly’…

but she Ana never…NEVER EVER would consider any ANY of Dick’s requests as ‘badly timed’ ‘not really necessary if she thought it over’ or ‘undue stress’ or ‘Dick just being silly’ … she waited upon Dick and waited and waited and waited upon Dick for years… 

the tears came down uncontrollably now..as Ana May whispered bitterly ‘he never really loved me in a real way but that **** Dick sure loved all I did for him!’ …. ‘he never cared’ .… the pain of the thought was excruciating  and Ana only just heard Anabel’s cries because her friend had rushed in the room to comfort the child…

everyday some Ana May struggles under this realizationhttps://karryon.privacemail.com/  for Relationship Coaching or therapy … or if going through a major relationship change https://karryon.privacemail.com/

Ana May hopes that her story helped someone

highest-divorce-rate/https://www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/maps-and-graphics/mapped-countries-with-highest-divorce-rate/

https://www.bustle.com/articles/112408-9-things-everyone-should-do-when-theyre-newly-single

Once we are still in the relationship even if we think another might have been brought into it by our partner we have the opportunity to focus on the relationship between the two and what might or might not be actually happening..to do that though takes some courage

Dear Positive Psychology People, 

Our Behaviour we hardly ever give over to

RE-ACTING….

why? because when we are

RE-ACTING….

we are giving usually an opposite and or an expected action based on how someone else acted…

and we then put ourselves…

  • under the control of another
  • in a position to be manipulated by another simply by them doing things and predicting our opposite or expected actions
  • on the same level as animals where we move on pure instinct

Positive Psychology People….

we Respond…

what’s the difference

When we respond…

  • we appreciate our human ability to consider and reflect on a situation
  • we take time even if it is a brief moment to consider what? we would choose to do and why? and the possible consequences
  • we respect the fact that we have the ability (all things being equal) to respond differently or the same in the future
  • we keep whatever little control we might have in a situation…ability to consider and choose
  • we can be kind to ourselves knowing that we did our best to make the best possible choice with the information we had at the time (instead of being manipulated by how we might have felt in the moment)

So be not duped…

Reacting and Responding are not quite the same….

For related support log on @ https://karryon.privacemail.com/

 

Calypso singers called  calypsonians have always taught 2 things;

  1. Assertiveness ….speaking out clearly about our view on a matter &
  2. Social Justice …. the part we all play in preserving social justice

On an individual level and within smaller communities both apply to our lives and this is not only if we live in the Caribbean

For Assertiveness Training life coaching … log on @ https://karryon.privacemail.com/