Moving you forward one step at a time

0 plus X = X … How to recognize Narcixxixtic Relationships?

Abuse is Abuse is Abuse!!!!!!! But even so when we notice that the girl/woman is “pretty” by most standards, we really wonder… 

Here’s the Ugly truth! We, the society, well-meaning go off complimenting and complimenting and that pretty girl loses all her other beautiful qualities…and becomes a ‘pretty thing’ …and if she were a real thing that would be okay… but truth is a person as a ‘pretty thing’ actually feels quite unworthy and of little value beyond that 1 thing…

So let’s remember to not just make the ‘pretty’ feel ‘pretty’ but beautiful outside and


So we know that some get caught in the whole ‘wedding worship’ but what about thinking of …

Marriage Management

Yes, marriage is an institution, and as an institution, it needs good executives and managers and that’s the husband and wife team, as an institution there must be a decision on what are the services and products that each in the institution would be doing, and so coming into the institution of marriage, during courtship that is when skills should be being build to prepare to contribute… to not do that is to threaten the survival of the institution from the very beginning…no wonder this song is telling this fellow “he looking for horn”…

With our high global divorce rates, there really needs more focus on preparing to be a decent contributing partner rather than ‘getting married’ and ‘wedding worship’

P.S. sometimes one partner or the other might become unemployed and in that case, the institution requires some sort of contingency planning and internal adjustments 

Training on the virtue of getting together and living the dream starts early… sure it might be more targeted to women but its also with men and so as girls grow and boys grow there is this subtle unconscious message…

let’s call it ‘Wedding’ Worship…

basically that we have really hit that home run, if or when we get that ‘official’ relationship commitment…

and so some come out with one focus in relationships ‘catching a man’ (a good man, whatever good might mean) or ‘snatching and ‘locking down’ a good woman) or “partner” … and for these people, it’s all about the end so…

its a show, its about strategy, manipulation even, acting to get a desired result, here Leroy discovers it could even be about ‘Goumangala’ (witchcraft, black magic, obeah) all because of moving the focus away from building a healthy relationship which could even mean leaving one for another and moving the focus on scoring the big one …. that official commitment aka wedding …

Some of us go along being ignorant of this, only to have that Dr. Hyde and Mr. Jekyll effect happen after the goal is done…

Having recently noted an article about whether sex toys that closely look like the ‘real thing’ or not, are allowed into a certain country by law another question came…

How many relationships are allowed to pass off as the ‘real thing’ because of a basic law that in today’s society it is better to have a steady supply of sex than have to constantly seek out casual sexual satisfaction…

After all, we might welcome white still for weddings..but surely man and woman alike we are no longer too concerned with being truly ‘white’ on a wedding day…

So how then do we discover if the relationship is the ‘real thing’ or just a ‘sex den’ …

  1. Real relationships have a range… meaning they focus on many aspects that stretch the person beyond a physical sexual stretch
  2.  But then again being in a ‘sex den’ can lead anyone to pretend to stretch outside the bedroom as well as long as that sex is steady
  3. Real relationships can survive sex breaks (now the length of time is surely dependent on the couple)
  4. ‘Sex Den’ look-alikes usually either crumble under break periods or else use break periods as an excuse for the other partner going astray (interesting & ironic since surely the time would come when one or both partners might not be able to ‘go at it’ as he/she used to)
  5. Real relationships do not objectify (in real relationships while there might be an appreciation of a partner at a particular size, in specific clothing styles, or hairstyles, there is no excessive pressure to comply)
  6. But in ‘sex den’ look-alikes there are both the spoken and the unspoken expectations to satisfy some agreed ‘ideal’
  7. Real relationships embrace varied sexual experiences with varied levels of satisfaction for each or both because of an appreciation for realities and context and recent changes in 1 partner or both
  8. But in ‘sex den’ relationships it is all about the performance period

These 8 only begin to scratch the surface… and truth be told as one meme suggested …

“sex can keep a “relationship” going for a very long time”

But usually, we know…

so the bigger question is if we do what makes up not either;

@ level-up that relationship (if possible)?

@ stay?

Guess its because we are all white with the sexuality as it shows up in the relationship…

All Caught Up about being seen when as man (like Shaggy) we get in

Into the intimate private parts of another

If we do not want a partner to know we do not bother

Do not bother to admit we were there

And basically say by words or actions…go get the prove “it’s a dare”

Put how often again and again the prove is in the pudding when we eat

And it does not matter if we insist “we did not cheat”

for often enough we






either the partner, the one who said catch me if you can, or the one who was thought to be the other outside person

And #hate and #hurt are two powerful emotions

that gives lots of energies and devotions

to all connected to the one who says “prove it first”

and many times when people are feeling #hate or #hurt they make choices for the worst

So please take care when dealing with the emotions of others…and #beware of getting


#relationshipcoaching #relationshiptherapy @



Cheers….do we shout for joy to our arranged marriages

and who exactly are those who shout for joy at these marriages, are they the partners or the invited guests…

even as we recently witnessed our ‘Real’ Wedding

it seems the “fairy tale” ideal is not lost on any of us, though we know it is not real…but a Royal Wedding makes us believe and so we Cheer

But after it is all finished the couple and guests sit on very different


All the guests who cheered, now as the marriage continues can;

Certainly Have An Interest Researching Stories….

what’s happening now with the couple? are things really working out? is he being faithful? are they getting divorced? what, no children?….. and it goes on and on

Meanwhile the couple, sit on a very different chair;

Creating Home And Intimacy Repeatedly…..

they sit with the ups and downs of all the day to day of now creating a home and family with all the joys and trails and triumphs

Yellow for friendships….

But have we ever considered who is the ‘friend’ we get on the ship with..

Friend …a person who supports a particular cause

How often are we seduced by friendly behaviors and outward acts of affection only to discover that the person(s) were working for a cause that was not or is not in our best interest? or maybe we have never had this experience or hardly ever? then great!

But for those of us who are easily seduced by false friends

What are the possible checklists or safeguards?

  1. Being a friend to our-self is the first safeguard. It is the only way we would be prepared to expect and accept only those things that are in our best interest.
  2. Words are not an indication of intent…behaviors are.
  3. While behaviors are indicators of intent, intent can be mis-interpreted for better or worse. Therefore another safeguard is to appreciate that ongoing behaviors make sense. Therefore if contradictory behaviors are noticed have selftrust
  4. Work on feelings of worthiness and lovableness so that there is no value judgement of worthiness if a friendship is not going as expected and therefore it becomes easier to view the relationship for what it is and choose accordingly, rather than hold on to a toxic relationships to preserve feelings of worthiness

If we often find ourselves in false friendships it might be a #redflag that we can benefit from improving our Self Esteem

Another ROYAL wedding is coming up….

people are interested or maybe even some not so interested

But do you know what is soooooooo very interesting?

The little interest people show in their very Own Royal Wedding

What does this mean?

First let us rewind…rewind to the practices, people, process that led up to this Royal Wedding…

What practices? …those are the things that the couple did together or did not  do together that led to creating a level of closeness

Who people? …for starters the couple of course, then their might be friends and family who are also influencing

What process? …actually that should really be processes for plural..the communication process of the couple, the conflict resolution process, the power dynamic process and it goes on and on….

And when all these come together a decision is made to have an event called a wedding…

And our wedding is always a ROYAL wedding…how so?

Because we are always making a decision on that day to







Yet many of us only focus on having a ROYAL looking wedding..meaning we must look like royalty…and focus little on the patterns of our relationship and whether it is worth committing to such patterns for a lifetime

And sure relationships change,,,but let us be real there is a comfort that comes after a wedding and its called the comfort of marriage..where we expect to a major degree that our partners would not go flipping the script on us…

so do you have your very own Royal Wedding coming up, be sure to consider what the yesterdays were really like and how comfortable you are with those yesterdays becoming your todays and tomorrows

From day 1 and building slowly and slowly Mr. Adan seeks to build his sense of security in the relationship…and of course feeling secure in one’s relationship is not a bad thing in and of itself…however….

Adan Mother-May-I gets his sense of security when he is sure that he has a partner who would behave as he desires and as Mother would approve and he knows but one sure way of making this happen…

Bit by Bit he begins to find ways to

Minus Control from his partner and Add that Control to him…

so a partner with Mr. Adan Mother-May-I would find that slowly the activities that would provide some sort of independence or ‘real’ choice is slowly taken away…not in a demanding way least not at first or if unnecessary but simply through a suggestion here, a request there or even a little manipulation or guilt-tripping …and often the partner realizes only later that it was all in an attempt to have them become more easily agreeable to ALL incoming requests and or suggestions…..

If you do find yourself with a Mr. Adan Mother-May-I  ..until or unless these behaviours no longer help reduce tensions…they more than likely will continue…it is for any partner then to decide whether the C- (Control Minus) works for them ….