Moving you forward one step at a time

abuse by proxy

Many of us focus on the risk factor of those with diagnoses or mental health concerns such as …

bipolar disorder or manic depression, clinical depression, et. al….

yet there is a real factor that can be guiding how people interact in the workplace and in romantic relationships where real havoc can be done

and these people come out ‘smelling like a rose’ while the other would be victims and targets are usually accused, assaulted and/or abused.  

Such is the trail of the NARCISSIST………………….

AND such is their pattern;

Study (work)

In the workplace Shastra would often sit in the lunch room and wave across the room from her target, eventually she befriends her target and does all the right ‘friendly things’ till viewed as a ‘lovely girl’ in comes the SEDUCE … Shastra then shares info that seems ever so private with her target aka friend .. of course the friend position is now SECURE  … thereafter the abuse begins.. Shastra works underneath to wreck havoc in her targets life … causing confusion in the workplace and acting innocent .. why because Shastra feeds on drama where she can emphasize others flaws and indirectly show herself as better….

Narcissists paint your world blue!

Study (relationships)

That man or woman observes at the party, on the job, in the community, for minutes, days, weeks, months, years, they look for the

kind-hearted/innocent/naïve/conscientious/ any qualities that suggest that the target might be more gullible than others. They study to KNOW HOW TO TALK, ABOUT WHAT TO TALK, IN WHAT TONE TO TALK and what to say and so their would be partner is now into phase 2 SEDUCE. a tell-tale sign too is the tendency to rush physical/sexual interactions, a commitment, move for frequent sexual interactions or dedicated sexual ‘performances’ all to SECURE there place and position in the life of the other then it begins …the mild put downs, the ghosting or disappearances, the attempt to win over family and friends and distance their target from support systems and it is all done so skillfully that all others remain under the seduction of their talk as the romantic target begins to get over the illusion.

Remember narcissists talk the talk   


Online counselling …. coaching @

Some relationships are merely a contractual arrangement where one party agrees to be called boyfriend/girlfriend, child mother/father, fiance, wife/husband, partner/spouse under the conditions that; 

                                                     Terms of Agreement

  • The other party agrees to accept unquestioningly and unconditionally all behaviours of the other party even if it is to their own detriment
  • The other party agrees to NEVER say or even think any criticism of the other party even if it be constructive
  • The other party agrees to say, do, think and feel in ways that constantly boost the ego of the other party
  • The other party agrees to lose himself/herself as a privileged favour for it being replaced with the other party’s inflated sense of self
  • The other party agrees to feel hurt and deal with their hurt on their own time and in a way where it NEVER comes to attention of the party who contributed to those feelings
  • The other party agrees to accept emotional abuse from the other party while all the while denying that it even exists in the relationship
  • The other party agrees to do all in their power to make the other party look good and to boost their public image
  • The other party agrees that ‘love’ in the context of the relationship means … one party ‘loves’ how the other makes them feel about self and will do anything and everything to ensure he/she continues to feel good always
  • The other party agrees to die silently internally day by day and yet show forth an appearance of life and vibrancy for the joy and Ecstasy of the opportunity to be in a relationship with the other party

And so on …



Please note you sign at your own risk and all consequences will be deeply experienced and attempts to break the contract might prove incredibly difficult with much stress and effort, and if the contract is in fact broken, the road to recovery tends to be long and arduous. 


Emotional Abusers are incredibly crafty … after doing their hard to detect “dirty work” they are quite willing and able to look on at you and boldly declare “you are over doing it” or “you are exaggerating” … and if you are in fact in an emotionally abusive situation/relationship with an abusive partner and give into ANGER there is a great possibility that your response might be emotionally erratic and therefore create the way for the abuser to smugly declare  “you are over doing it” or “you are exaggerating” therefore leading you to feel crazy

Emotional Abusers are well trained naturally in crazy making behaviours … they create situations in which “you are damned if you do and damned if you don’t” these are called “catch 22” and so simply becoming angry and not managing your anger coupled with the emotional abusers tendency to subtly attack and leaving you yourself to wonder if you are in fact exaggerating, sets you up for biological distress, depletion of emotional and mental resources and even a potential malfunctioning of the nervous system    

Y Anger Wins Nothing   

So especially in such cases, anger management is absolutely essential since anger management in such a case is basically self-management with is basically emotional wellness management

When anger is well managed, then your responses, be it the choice to remain silent, leave, or in the cases where leaving is not readily possible, since emotional abuse is not only restricted to romantic relationships, your responses can be a reflection of understanding of the existing situation and assertive behaviour and when the abuser anthem is said “you are over doing it” or “you are exaggerating”   it will not have its usual intended impact of creating guilt within the target of abuse for being assertive in an abusive situation nor will it lead to compounding anger and further feelings of or renewed feelings of helplessness and or hopelessness

The ABOVE might be many things but it is hardly an over-exaggeration


Life is so full of Odd things and Odd times, we even have a saying “that the Odds are against ….”

How we respond to the Odds of life makes a huge difference

The Odds of Life … The Odds of Life are

  • Our Different Dynamics Socially …. we all enter into this life under varied social circumstances that includes our physical characteristics that already has certain social pros and cons attached to it, our familial setting and culture, our birth position in the family, our country of birth, the socio-political-economic climate that we are born into 

The Odds of Life … The Odds of Life are

  • Others Definitely Do Sabotaging ….  beginning sadly but sometimes oh so honestly from our families, others do deliberately and sometimes unconsciously put things in place to make our life’s journey ever so difficult to hinder success, it might continue for some or begin with meeting someone(s) at work, community or other or someone from a previous relationship who is determined to help frustrate and progressive moves  

The Odds of Life … The Odds of Life are

  • Others Don’t Determine Success … after all is said and done and sometimes said and done multiple times … while life chances and experiences do determine the level of difficulty of the journey .. others don’t determine success … people defy the “odds” when 
  1. There is an acceptance of the current circumstance for what it is
  2. There remains a focus on working on only what remains within your circle of control
  3. There is no wasted effort or energy on becoming unduly angry about frustrations circumstantial or created that make the journey more difficult
  4. There is a defining of success for self since realistically what might look as “not much of a success” to another in different circumstances might well be a great achievement and success in the reality of the life of another

So when people say the “odds are against you” it really is odd in many forms and many ways and oddly enough only you can truly determine the odds, how odd