Moving you forward one step at a time


Abuse is Abuse is Abuse!!!!!!! But even so when we notice that the girl/woman is “pretty” by most standards, we really wonder… 

Here’s the Ugly truth! We, the society, well-meaning go off complimenting and complimenting and that pretty girl loses all her other beautiful qualities…and becomes a ‘pretty thing’ …and if she were a real thing that would be okay… but truth is a person as a ‘pretty thing’ actually feels quite unworthy and of little value beyond that 1 thing…

So let’s remember to not just make the ‘pretty’ feel ‘pretty’ but beautiful outside and


This is going to be short and NOT sweet…


How to know when we are dealing with a Narcissist?

  1. Our thoughts = 0
  2. Our words = 0
  3. Our actions =0

Why? Because everything ALWAYS gives the same result 

X marking the spot where the Narcissist must be….


EVERYWHERE ….everyday..every time…24/7

when dealing with a Narcissist we remain a 0 entity


Richard Must-B-Joking after doing his last discard was ready to approach Ms. Say-What but he had already began his narcissistic behaviors with Ms. Say What….

  • creating dramas
  • having a third party lover
  • leaving her guessing
  • letting her know she should try to understand him
  • ghosting or disappearing and reappearing

but he was okay even with Ms. Say What declarations that it was over…


because there was another strategy that ALWAYS worked for Richard…

it’s called #lovebombing ..

where he uses others and the media to communicate forever fairy tale love to his target….

but to his surprise Ms. Say What knows the narcissistic abusive tricks traps and cycles and remains uninterested…

BEWARE IF YOU ARE AT THIS POINT with your #narcissist and remain adamant of no interest they can try to hurt you so do #protect yourself and do know that to go back is to re-enter a #cycleofABUSE …

for support log on


so Ana could not believe after … all the years….

after …all the tears

after..all the shares

how could Dick cheat on her…Dick was his name ironically enough…

but Ana knew what she would do…she must get an ASSISTANT…

what or who would be her assistant …she needed to spy on Dick and discover his deepest longing…giving him his deepest longing would be her ASSISTANT … sure enough Ana discovered that what Dick wanted more than anything was a beautiful bouncing baby girl …Ana and Dick already had a boy…

now how could Ana make this happen? Ana had always heard of these people with special powers and now she needed one…Ana went to the place they told her and got her potion…Dick did not stand a chance

sure enough Ana became pregnant and knowing Dick’s love of family and his desire for a bouncing baby girl she knew she had him….

Welcome beautiful Anabel

if you or someone you know might benefit from related sessions log on @

Tune in next Week for Ana and Anabel 

Anabel became her assistant since Anabel was to become her Saviour! It is Anabel who would give back to Ana the life again she found when she found her beloved Dick.

As time passed though and Anabel grew Ana realized that her new Assistant could not hold the affections of her beloved…..and so it began threats to end it all…to run away so that Dick could not see Anabel unless…until he ends that affair ….

But did Dick oblige? No…. and so now Ana was not just left with the threat of her dreams falling  apart but with a baby who had already outlived her usefulness….now Ana found herself with Postpartum Depression

Why is it that some people seem to get it right on the money when it comes to choosing a mate? and others struggle for want of just finding a decent date…

Now mind you as a single therapist and life coach I do probably fall into the later group (well not exactly) maybe somewhat…


many factors might be influencing how we date and how easy or difficult it might be….location, approach to dating, preferences, age, ethnicity, background lots of things….

Different Dating Experiences

On average once we are fairly healthy we can expect to have varying dating experiences…

However our red flags might do well to go up if or when…

we notice a pattern and are moved to ask….

“Why are so many toxic partners drawn to me?”

Here are some of the possible answers that might be helpful;

  • There is a general feeling of unworthiness or unloveableness within ..and its so subtle that it might only be noticed in our quiet moment or during therapy or in conversation with a trusted friend
  • There is a genuine fear of closeness linked to a fear of eventually being abandoned …”just like what happened to mommy/daddy” that even as an adult we find difficult to shake off
  • There is a tendency to equate love with being needed and so most of the people we attract or are attracted to need us first and foremost and unfortunately emotionally abusive persons can also sense this and are drawn to this tendency but to our hurt….
  • There was a pattern shown before of one parent being toxic and the other parent working on the relationship and sometimes we choose to become like the parent who works on the relationship and so are drawn to and seek out sometimes unconsciously toxic partners to repeat that pattern but this time to do it successfully

These are just some of the answers to “why so many toxic partners are drawn to me? …

Now this whole matter of #metoo has been something that as a therapist has been quite disturbing….


because for myself the idea of me too has always had positive connotations and something to be celebrated and

because the idea of saying me too very often seems somewhat to be making a mockery of whatever the issues are at hand … and this is exactly what many fear might be happening with the great number of men being accused of sexual abuse/assault years after the fact…as mentioned in conversations with others … where is the evidence? and this no doubt is the idea of Catherine Deneuve et al. with the signing of the petitions

So emphasizing with the innocent men…. but here is the thing…

sexual abuse, sexual assault, sexual harassment and bullying of women is ridiculously prevalent ….

and it is the ridiculous prevalence that allows the idea of #metoo to resonant so clearly

Here is an example…

A therapist met this guy. They had a brief sexual encounter which he chose to virally spread. This was in conjunction with the therapist being part of a sort of ‘reality show’ where she and this ex and one other woman would vive for this guy’s attention by it would seem their sexual performing abilities. The therapist was appalled, sought answers none were forthcoming. She realized the guy was not that innocent and it was generally felt she was over reacting. Eventually to make a long story short, it was decided therapist won the reality competition despite the fact that her oral expertise remain questionable. The therapist of course noted the psychological warfare and sexual harassment for what it is and has no desire for this guy. The result is to subtly bully the therapist to return and settle with this guy by withholding support.

Now does that story not seem unbelievable …and where is the evidence..there is none…but guess what …that therapist can also say #metoo…..

Seems  its a case of …

WOOOP There it is…

Yes WOOOP ….. women only objects of pleasure….. 

(and this then makes all sorts of unbelievable stories very true)

so guys while the empathy is there for the innocent….

we might be able to appreciate that it is only when or if we move pass forcing the code #254 aka BED on women and view them beyond the bedroom and bed performances that #metoo would resonant a little less

If you or someone you know might be recovering from related matters…either target or someone who is dealing with the guilt of having target someone, or someone who has been innocently accused … sessions available @

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Sometimes its hard to correct that which we might be endorsing in so many other ways… 

when it comes to domestic violence we all go up in alms if or when a woman is destroyed through death, yet women destroy men’s lives with their mouths tarnishing reputations, a boss might destroy an employee’s career by destroying their reputation, a political figure might destroy another’s public life unnecessarily because of a hidden agenda…  domestic violence is far more than when that man raises his hand at that woman

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence (and we use this term in a broad based way) log on

There are certain things that are obviously true about us… for example our Demographics and Statistics

date of birth, country of origin, schools attended, family, etc. schools attended and events experienced, family genetics and history

These things are true

because these are true to us we have a certain attachment to them.. for example we might respond “hey there’s someone from my area’ ..”oh she and I went to the same school” .. ‘hey he and I were born same year’ … we notice the things that are true to us and we feel a particular way about them

When the true is turned on you! 

some of us have a desire to control others and for control more than others… and this desire is not always in the best interest of the target of control

e.g. someone may learn of a family history and find a way to keep presenting it subtly to make someone ‘remember his/her place’ … someone may learn that another is a closet gay ‘and try to force the point for their own agenda.’

Turning the True On you … becomes a TTOY in the hands of others

they can take the information and play with it for their pleasure, your pain and to create a game of ‘you do what I want, or else.’

Well the truth is no TTOY….

  1. Help yourself since no one is coming to save you… help yourself by accepting the facts ‘as you understand it’ ‘AS YOU UNDERSTAND IT!’
  2. Then you have to find a way to take back what was stolen, for it was stolen..what was stolen? the right to decide how you hold the things of and about yourself that are true…so take back the thing and let go of the old way of looking at it because it has been corrupted
  3. Now decide on a new way to view this true thing… a way of looking at it that empowers you and creates positive feelings


For example…. a young man who was diagnosed and adhering to his treatment for depression, had his ex-girlfriend go about declaring to all who would listen that he was a ‘mad man’ taking drugs to remain stable …

this young man in going through the 3 suggested phases can accept that he does have a mental health concern but he might now view it differently and claim it as fantastic mental health management on his part since his ex-girlfriend has now corrupted the idea of concern to equal crazy

 For example …. a young lady after having relations with a potential partner and it not working, had the partner go about telling everyone her date of birth emphasizing she was not as young as she looks and was unlikely to find a man after him …

this young lady in going through the 3 suggested phases can accept her age as noted by her date of birth and follow same with the reason why she feels so blessed and thankful to not spend any more unnecessary time and effort on a futile relationship and she can also further improve her self care and commit to aging gracefully

when True Things Turned On You…no TTTOY!