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accelerated abuse

Dear Positive Psychology People,

Do you know what often leads to “psychosis” or moving away from reality? It is when our reality has become 2 harsh…. that we can easily employ a


where we refuse to accept the reality

where we refuse to view the situation for what it actually is’

where we focus on what should and should and should

Our psychology is strengthened 

when  we accept harsh

when we accept the seriousness and severity of the situation  

when we realize it cannot be ‘business as usual’ 

when we realize that life is now demanding that we become a different and better person who is able to deal and heal 


So to all out there harsh comes in different ways forms and times and we can choose INSANITY or ACCEPT HARSH!

This is going to be short and NOT sweet…


How to know when we are dealing with a Narcissist?

  1. Our thoughts = 0
  2. Our words = 0
  3. Our actions =0

Why? Because everything ALWAYS gives the same result 

X marking the spot where the Narcissist must be….


EVERYWHERE ….everyday..every time…24/7

when dealing with a Narcissist we remain a 0 entity


Calypso singers called  calypsonians have always taught 2 things;

  1. Assertiveness ….speaking out clearly about our view on a matter &
  2. Social Justice …. the part we all play in preserving social justice

On an individual level and within smaller communities both apply to our lives and this is not only if we live in the Caribbean

For Assertiveness Training life coaching … log on @


Now this whole matter of #metoo has been something that as a therapist has been quite disturbing….


because for myself the idea of me too has always had positive connotations and something to be celebrated and

because the idea of saying me too very often seems somewhat to be making a mockery of whatever the issues are at hand … and this is exactly what many fear might be happening with the great number of men being accused of sexual abuse/assault years after the fact…as mentioned in conversations with others … where is the evidence? and this no doubt is the idea of Catherine Deneuve et al. with the signing of the petitions

So emphasizing with the innocent men…. but here is the thing…

sexual abuse, sexual assault, sexual harassment and bullying of women is ridiculously prevalent ….

and it is the ridiculous prevalence that allows the idea of #metoo to resonant so clearly

Here is an example…

A therapist met this guy. They had a brief sexual encounter which he chose to virally spread. This was in conjunction with the therapist being part of a sort of ‘reality show’ where she and this ex and one other woman would vive for this guy’s attention by it would seem their sexual performing abilities. The therapist was appalled, sought answers none were forthcoming. She realized the guy was not that innocent and it was generally felt she was over reacting. Eventually to make a long story short, it was decided therapist won the reality competition despite the fact that her oral expertise remain questionable. The therapist of course noted the psychological warfare and sexual harassment for what it is and has no desire for this guy. The result is to subtly bully the therapist to return and settle with this guy by withholding support.

Now does that story not seem unbelievable …and where is the evidence..there is none…but guess what …that therapist can also say #metoo…..

Seems  its a case of …

WOOOP There it is…

Yes WOOOP ….. women only objects of pleasure….. 

(and this then makes all sorts of unbelievable stories very true)

so guys while the empathy is there for the innocent….

we might be able to appreciate that it is only when or if we move pass forcing the code #254 aka BED on women and view them beyond the bedroom and bed performances that #metoo would resonant a little less

If you or someone you know might be recovering from related matters…either target or someone who is dealing with the guilt of having target someone, or someone who has been innocently accused … sessions available @

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Sometimes its hard to correct that which we might be endorsing in so many other ways… 

when it comes to domestic violence we all go up in alms if or when a woman is destroyed through death, yet women destroy men’s lives with their mouths tarnishing reputations, a boss might destroy an employee’s career by destroying their reputation, a political figure might destroy another’s public life unnecessarily because of a hidden agenda…  domestic violence is far more than when that man raises his hand at that woman

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence (and we use this term in a broad based way) log on

There are certain things that are obviously true about us… for example our Demographics and Statistics

date of birth, country of origin, schools attended, family, etc. schools attended and events experienced, family genetics and history

These things are true

because these are true to us we have a certain attachment to them.. for example we might respond “hey there’s someone from my area’ ..”oh she and I went to the same school” .. ‘hey he and I were born same year’ … we notice the things that are true to us and we feel a particular way about them

When the true is turned on you! 

some of us have a desire to control others and for control more than others… and this desire is not always in the best interest of the target of control

e.g. someone may learn of a family history and find a way to keep presenting it subtly to make someone ‘remember his/her place’ … someone may learn that another is a closet gay ‘and try to force the point for their own agenda.’

Turning the True On you … becomes a TTOY in the hands of others

they can take the information and play with it for their pleasure, your pain and to create a game of ‘you do what I want, or else.’

Well the truth is no TTOY….

  1. Help yourself since no one is coming to save you… help yourself by accepting the facts ‘as you understand it’ ‘AS YOU UNDERSTAND IT!’
  2. Then you have to find a way to take back what was stolen, for it was stolen..what was stolen? the right to decide how you hold the things of and about yourself that are true…so take back the thing and let go of the old way of looking at it because it has been corrupted
  3. Now decide on a new way to view this true thing… a way of looking at it that empowers you and creates positive feelings


For example…. a young man who was diagnosed and adhering to his treatment for depression, had his ex-girlfriend go about declaring to all who would listen that he was a ‘mad man’ taking drugs to remain stable …

this young man in going through the 3 suggested phases can accept that he does have a mental health concern but he might now view it differently and claim it as fantastic mental health management on his part since his ex-girlfriend has now corrupted the idea of concern to equal crazy

 For example …. a young lady after having relations with a potential partner and it not working, had the partner go about telling everyone her date of birth emphasizing she was not as young as she looks and was unlikely to find a man after him …

this young lady in going through the 3 suggested phases can accept her age as noted by her date of birth and follow same with the reason why she feels so blessed and thankful to not spend any more unnecessary time and effort on a futile relationship and she can also further improve her self care and commit to aging gracefully

when True Things Turned On You…no TTTOY!



We have varied aspects of life … and many adults are well aware of the mutually pleasurable benefits of 69 sexually speaking

But what about being in a relationship where we are constantly put into ‘A FORCED 69’ ..

What is A forced 69?  

Reality is that there are some people who literally feed upon others… they choose partners for a supply of ‘good feelings’ to them… it might be the boost they get from their partners beauty, status, money, producing of beautiful children, admiration and love of them, obedience and loyalty to them etc.

And so because their type of love being the love = I love how I can feed off of you to feel good about me …………they constantly put their partner in a forced 69 position…. meaning a position where their partner like it or not must keep supplying pleasure non stop to them by thinking doing and behaving as they like so they can keep feeding of them and feeling good while they in turn keep feeding their partner with information as to how to think what to do and how to behave to make them feel good …………….. and there you have it its a forced 69

Its a forced 69 since no choice is really given to the partner they feed upon for like the vampire they care not whether the partner wants to be feed on or not, they do things to force their partners attention in their direction .. a sort of molestation emotionally … and so when they get their partners attention they can inform them of what they must think feel and how to behave today so they good feel others words drink their feel good supply and get an emotional high

The Myth of a Forced 69! 

Thing is the forced 69 is a far cry from that of the bed chambers …

because when dealing with such a partner they get fat off their partners emotions while the other partner becomes drained of their life source


Online Counselling … Relationship Counselling @


There it was today went seeking a lock … and was drawn to a lock with a code that acted like the key… 

Guess what? After multiple and do mean multiple attempts the lock refused to budge and remains unused .. the time effort and money invested to get it was nothing short of annoying and distressing …

Now though at least it was not in vain…

Relationship Lock Out 

Too often we move along in relationships and swallow all sorts of emotional and psychological abuse.. and sing along thinking the trauma is beautiful …

But there is nothing beautiful about …

one partner investing time effort and energy into building a mutual healthy reciprocal relationship while the other partner has a code known only to them that their partner must discover in order for them to get certain basics in a relationship … e.g.

the guy or gal who withdraws emotion until their partner drops specific issues

the guy or gal who does what they can and restricts cash flow to the other partner until they behave as they desire such cases their partner can be trying really hard but it remains a case of the partner just being active searching and searching for the ‘code’ to a healthy happy relationship but they will never be productive or get the desired result since their partner holds the code within the code meaning it is only their partner who holds the power to decide if they will be so ‘kind’ as to allow for some measure of sanity in the relationship … and that only comes when their partner gets what they want…

but do note if one partner must sacrifice self-respect and autonomy for relationship peace in essence that partner is sacrificing the core of self and their perceptions and understandings of their reality and by extension their sanity   ….

There is a simple word for this .. ABUSE!