Moving you forward one step at a time

Conflict Management

Aggression shows up in relationships to varying degrees, its that forceful attack. While we tend to think about physical aggression there are many other non-physical forms of aggression working in our relationships everyday.

Brigham Young University’s Sarah Coyne and colleagues (2017) define relationship aggression as “a behavior intended to damage a relationship or hurt someone through manipulation or social exclusion”

However all relationship aggression involve their own specific dynamics. One form is ‘throwing words’




Thought of what to right to introduce this video but then saw this There are lots of things daily that can set our emotional energy outward in a way we might regret later and sometimes there is a lot of emotional energy pent up from having to deal with a tough situation, that’s why today we give thanks for our music;

“Life is a game” by now we’ve heard this. Well comparing life to being on the field of whatever sport we choose, there is one thing that is an absolute must…

Valuing A Referee!

Yep VAR is not just for football advancement creating more fair play especially as we noticed at World Cup 2018 but VAR is that thing that we all at one point or the other are going to need to bring in and put to use in our own game…

As in the World Cup VAR…during our game of life, we would get a signal or a plea from another that we better consult our VAR…

Our signal might include… a disagreement that stops things from going on as they were before, an unacceptable behaviour (let’s call it a ‘foul’) that calls for our attention…

Our VAR would come in when whoever is involved in the conflict with us and ourselves, have made our attempts to settle things but still cannot seem to agree..

That is when we do the sign, you know that ‘box sign’ where whoever is involved agree to Value A REFEREE…

Our VAR might be an elder, a specialist in some field, a spiritual leader, you name it…

But the main thing is, there is a mutual agreement that this VAR can get it right, like the complaints about the VAR @t the World Cup 2018, it might take some time but the basic idea is that it is worth the wait to resolving the conflict…and then all involved feel satisfied that all was done to address concerns in a fair matter…

VAR then is really about small-scale social justice that helps us maintain civil relationships in this game of life 

#conflictresolution #mediation…


we can become your VAR…combining technology #livechat at an online office for mediating/resolving person-person conflict at home/office


Simply put relationships provide some of the richest musical lyrics

Simply put a point reaches in a relationship when you literally either choose life or you choose to maintain a false façade…

Simply put partners at times overestimate the other partners love and willingness to accept behaviours they have complained about repeatedly

Simply put partners at times underestimate the other partners self-love and ability and willingness to do hard and deal with hurt if that is what is necessary

And simply put sometimes goodbye is the best buy we can purchase for our sanity health and wellbeing …

this rascal sings it best

for relationship related counselling/coaching

If you have a complicated relationship with a senior parent, the holidays can be a stressful time, especially if you have hopes of someday making it better between the two of you. If your parent has recently entered treatment for addiction, your relationship is likely fraught with even more difficulty.

When the holidays approach, you may have feelings of dread and pain, knowing the season won’t be as merry without the loving embrace of your parent. If you want to reconnect, there’s no time like the present. And with a renewed sense of accomplishment from addiction treatment, your parent may be wishing for the same thing.

Understanding Addiction

In order to forgive, it helps to understand addiction. Addiction is a chronic disease in which the person has strong impulses to seek drugs or alcohol despite the harmful effects on their body and those around them. While the initial decision to take drugs is voluntary, the brain changes that occur over time cause an addicted person’s self-control to disappear and can curb their ability to resist the intense impulse to use.

Like other chronic diseases, such as diabetes, asthma or heart disease, addiction can be managed. However, it’s not uncommon for a person to relapse and begin using again. Relapse doesn’t mean the end of treatment, but it does mean that treatment should start again, and perhaps it should be changed to adjust for new circumstances.

Addiction in seniors

Senior are not immune to addiction. Older adults are dealing with many painful aspects of aging, such as loneliness, loss of abilities, chronic illnesses and less mobility. These things can lead to drinking more heavily or turning to drugs. Seniors also take a lot more prescription opiates, and these can be very addictive.

According to the National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence, there are 2.5 million older adults with an alcohol or drug problem. Six to 11 percent of senior hospital admissions are because of alcohol or drug problems: 14 percent of senior emergency room admissions and 20 percent of senior psychiatric hospital admissions. Almost 50 percent of nursing home residents have alcohol-related issues. Nearly 17 million prescriptions for tranquilizers are prescribed for older adults each year, with benzodiazepines being the most commonly abused medication.

If your elderly parent has recently started treatment, understand that it’s not your fault. Their addiction came about because of their initial choices to use drugs or drink, not because of anything you did. If your parent was using when you were a child, you likely took a lot of blame while growing up, which means you automatically internalize the narrative. Again, it’s not your fault.

If you’re struggling with your own self-esteem around your parent’s addiction, try seeking help from a professional. Seeing a therapist will help you understand why you think the way you do and what you can do to change it. A therapist will also help you with approaches to reconciliation.

Mending fences

When it is time to talk, don’t attack. Remember to use “I statements,” instead of “you statements.” “You always …” is an attack. “I feel …” is a safer approach. Know what to expect out of the conversation: Do you want an apology? Do you want to be left alone? Do you want to hear that your loved? You might not get everything you ask for, but you should know what it is you would like.

Be patient. Reconciliation doesn’t come easy– it’s unlikely your parent will apologize and you’ll suddenly feel better. Unfortunately, life doesn’t work that way. Even if your parent is perfectly conciliatory, you might not experience healing for quite some time.

Give it time, and take baby steps. Even with just a little dialogue with your parent, you might be able to get through the holidays without a fight or increased hard feelings. But if things go south, you’ll feel better knowing that you tried. And you can always try again another time.

Contributed by Teresa Greenhill

We hold different positions during our relationships and we take on these positions for different reasons … when it comes to those positions there are two that are quite common standing and sitting 

When we first meet we stand or hold a standing position and in respecting differing abilities those who are unable to stand then their default position is being seated …. either way that is the postion where we get to know, where we observe as we interact before moving forward to the more relaxed postions and the deepening of the relationship and this can apply to any relationship in any context…

Now we can find ourselves sitting just about anywhere on anything and at anytime…. 

but before sitting … the responsbility is ours, yours and mine, to observe where we are, to take note of how we feel, of what has happened and has been happening .. of the type of sitting arrangements being offered to us so we can make an informed decision BEFORE SITTING …

aND WHY ? bECAUSE the consequences of sitting will fall to us and to us alone …. while we love to consider and cling to the notion of poetic justice and karma… consequences remain consequences…

So before sitting …. it is for all of us to consider that the ranting and raving about someone dishing out BS in a relationship and this can be any kind of relationship in any setting … this comes after the fact when the consequences of our sitting is already being experienced … and also when or if we are moved to lament over being given BS in a relationship remember we had the opportunity to do due diligence before …

when and only when this harsh reality is accepted are we able to keep a balanced perspective which then …. empowers us to do which we can to not repeat or limit the BS expereinced in future relationships …

and to those who have been spared such experiences well remember to consider all factors before sitting to limit the feeling and real experience of being given the BS backlash in relationships 

For those managing the BS backlash

For those who want to actively create relationships in some area of life that limit the chances of BS backlash #lifecoaching @t

Sure it is great to get ahead and sometimes it can feel so great and be such a great opportunity that it seems ago to get ahead at the expense of others in our group but since ahead or not we remain part of the group we actually are moving back and forth all at once .. getting ahead while increasing the risk of falling back behind 

Self-Love and Self-Acceptance on an individual and group level remains essential