Moving you forward one step at a time

Crafting Healthy Relationships

Love is a word easily said….

how that word shows itself helps us to know…really know …. if it is healthy or not….

Love shy?

some talk about unexpressed love or not expressing love because of being shy…but there is nothing covert or hidden about healthy love….

Love replacements

but we are so constantly being conditioned by the media to think real love is shown in desire, in strong feeling of fondness/desire/liking/affection that links to sexual attraction/desire and satisfaction…. that we have began to look for those things as our love actions…

What is being loved? 

yet a person can ‘love’ what we do for them, ‘love’ how we make them feel, ‘love’ all the possibilities being with us open for them…and never begin to even exercise ‘love’ for the person

Love by any other name….

Caring Consideration

who talks of caring consideration…there is nothing ‘sexy’ about that is there….but ask the old man who goes to a hospital every morning to have breakfast with his wife who has Alzheimer and says he goes because even though she no longer recognizes him, he still knows who she is…

very often we look back longingly on these older couples, as we watch divorce rates spiral, murder-suicides in the name of love, stalking and revenge porn all from those who ‘love’

But was there caring consideration?

was there a tender thoughtfulness for the other?

was there careful attention that as much as he/she can to attempt to avoid harm and hurt to the other body/mind/spirit

We wonder at what is happening in many love relationships….maybe there was never love in many of those relationships, at least not healthy love, maybe we are fast becoming a sex-filled, loveless relationship-oriented society….. how then do we create real love?

Check for 2 C’s #onlinetherapy #relationshipcoaching @https://karryon.privacemail.com/ 

Belonging and Connectivity are important for children to have a healthy self-esteem…as children begin to go out into the wider World, it is their peer group that they want most to connect with and belong to….and so it is important to help our children to have a desire to belong and connect to a group of friends/peer group that would help them become ‘good citizens’ of their little school community http://www.karryonservices.com/2018/05/21/yellow-for-friendship/

#coaching during times of transitions @vailable @t https://karryon.privacemail.com/

Know Your Friends! and help the children know who are theirs

The Prince rules his kingdom….

so when it comes to picking a partner…what does the prince think…

is it that the prince goes off searching and searching because… he #needs his partner… take a moment to think about it…

when or if we choose and we say to our partner “I need you” and that is why I seek for you, and that is why I love you and that is why I want you and that is why I choose you … then  we are coming from a place of lack and our partner becomes something that we must have for survival…

would the prince really be in that position… when or if we approach someone form that position… our need to have our need has become our master and we have become the slave…and our master can bid us to do anything and almost everything we can to make sure our need is met…but this has little or nothing to do with what might be in the best interest of our partner who becomes nothing more than a source of survival….

Ahhhh…but that true prince…

that true prince knows that he can meet his own needs and so when going off in search of a partner looks around at all his options and opportunities and makes a very deliberate choice based on the virtues he observes, think Cinderella, think Sleeping Beauty, based on his desires, based on compatibility..think Love and Basketball, based on shared interests, think Save the Last Dance… yes that true prince says…

“I choose you” as “I have come to know and love you” and so “I want you” and by extension now “I need you” … but if per chance you would not have me…then I might mournfully go but it remains that “I chose you” and “I love you”

We are all like that prince and we can either be like that true prince or a fake prince…the fake prince is the one who acts like they are meeting the need themselves but approaches the partner from a place of real lack and need…. we win in #relationships when we can enter our #loverelationships our #committedrelationships our #marriages from a place of self-satisfaction ..where our partner simply takes it to another levelhttps://karryon.privacemail.com/

Another ROYAL wedding is coming up….

people are interested or maybe even some not so interested

But do you know what is soooooooo very interesting?

The little interest people show in their very Own Royal Wedding

What does this mean?

First let us rewind…rewind to the practices, people, process that led up to this Royal Wedding…

What practices? …those are the things that the couple did together or did not  do together that led to creating a level of closeness

Who people? …for starters the couple of course, then their might be friends and family who are also influencing

What process? …actually that should really be processes for plural..the communication process of the couple, the conflict resolution process, the power dynamic process and it goes on and on….

And when all these come together a decision is made to have an event called a wedding…

And our wedding is always a ROYAL wedding…how so?

Because we are always making a decision on that day to

Reap

Our   

Yesterdays

As

A

Lifetime

Yet many of us only focus on having a ROYAL looking wedding..meaning we must look like royalty…and focus little on the patterns of our relationship and whether it is worth committing to such patterns for a lifetime

And sure relationships change,,,but let us be real there is a comfort that comes after a wedding and its called the comfort of marriage..where we expect to a major degree that our partners would not go flipping the script on us…

so do you have your very own Royal Wedding coming up, be sure to consider what the yesterdays were really like and how comfortable you are with those yesterdays becoming your todays and tomorrows https://karryon.privacemail.com/

Richard looked twice…but thought maybe not a little while later there she was…tapping him on his shoulder…Shera..Richard and Shera had not seen each other for some years…they chatted and then Richard gave his number and suggested to Shera she could call sometime…

As time passed along on occasion those odd days of chilling out ..relaxing…lazing around…Shera would try to buzz…most times Richard’s phone would be busy…this happened a few times…Shera would be chilling out..relaxing..lazing around…and give Richard a call and the phone would be busy…Shera thought nothing of it…except she wondered how it never occurred to Richard on one of those occasions to check who might have called…

Time passed and again Shera and Richard met up accidentally ..of course Shera casually commented she called and his phone was actually always busy…

Richard seemed pleased as he smiled and then laughed mildly….

“Oh! that’s how it is..everybody always tells me that…you could probably try calling around…..”

PAUSE…..https://www.elitedaily.com/dating/one-sided-relationship/1269161

Shera looks and feels confused and so asks….”Wait, you don’t call people.” Richard laughs…”most people call me…it’s easier that way…I’m usually so busy” … Shera could not drop the subject..it was so new to her…she then asks …”So what about your girlfriends” Richard again seemed quite pleased and then proudly informed that “actually I’ve always entered relationships after being pursued by girls”

Richard Must-B-Joking…. 

Shera looked at him in shock!

Now there is a level of compromise that is required and healthy in relationships, be it friendships or romantic relationships…

And there is a level of give and take in relationships that is absolutely beneficial to one person while it works to the hurt or disadvantage of the other….and the one in the advantageous or beneficial role often is quite comfortable…

How comfortable are you in your relationship?

Are you with a Richard Must-B-Joking? How has that been working out for you? Do you feel emotionally, mentally and physically drained? https://karryon.privacemail.com/

During one of her bouts of deep depression Ana May allowed herself the unguarded moment where some insight and truth, her truth was let in…

she Ana had always been the one making the compromises…her Dick simply expected her to

she Ana could always be sure of expressions of love from Dick after he received a compliment on her behalf, after lovemaking, after her support resulted in Dick realizing his goals…

Ana thought to herself but surely nothing is ‘wrong’ with these things, after all ‘any good woman would be happy to do these things’

then a wave of tears came….

its just that Ana allowed herself to admit…

even though she hardly asked for much her little requests were usually considered ‘badly timed’ ‘not really necessary if she thought it over’ ‘giving Dick undue stress’ or ‘just Ana being silly’…

but she Ana never…NEVER EVER would consider any ANY of Dick’s requests as ‘badly timed’ ‘not really necessary if she thought it over’ or ‘undue stress’ or ‘Dick just being silly’ … she waited upon Dick and waited and waited and waited upon Dick for years… 

the tears came down uncontrollably now..as Ana May whispered bitterly ‘he never really loved me in a real way but that **** Dick sure loved all I did for him!’ …. ‘he never cared’ .… the pain of the thought was excruciating  and Ana only just heard Anabel’s cries because her friend had rushed in the room to comfort the child…

everyday some Ana May struggles under this realizationhttps://karryon.privacemail.com/  for Relationship Coaching or therapy … or if going through a major relationship change https://karryon.privacemail.com/

Ana May hopes that her story helped someone

highest-divorce-rate/https://www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/maps-and-graphics/mapped-countries-with-highest-divorce-rate/

https://www.bustle.com/articles/112408-9-things-everyone-should-do-when-theyre-newly-single

Try as Ana May might she was unable to pull from her beloved Dick the love and commitment she wanted from her relationship and her Anabel was not doing the trick…

Postpartum ….

This was no ordinary postpartum but the type that came because of a mourning for a relationship that was …the type that came because the child trick had not worked ..

so “I starve you starve”

Anabel would now become exposed to what Ana was exposed to as a child…

NOT being loved for the essence of who they were but being loved if and only if…

Anabel got love when or if her baby actions were interpreted as comforting Ana

Anabel got love when or if someone mentioned how much she resembled her daddy

Anabel got love when or if Ana needed to feel indispensable…

(outside of that Anabel was deemed a nuisance and a trigger for Ana May’s postpartum depression …she took time away from Ana May being able to mourn and track down her Dick)

Without realizing it Anabel was creating another her…another woman who was being conditioned from early that they were not worthy of love just because they were naturally worthy but only when or if they made the object of their desire happy..only if or when they worked tirelessly to please the object of their affections and even so another woman was being conditioned that no matter what they did they would never become loved for who they were in a real way for they were always there to simply be useful to another just as Anabel was a tool to save a relationship

The truth can be a bitter pill but it can also be our saving grace if worked through….What would become of Ana May….

Tune in next week for more as Ana May goes back in time 

if you or someone you know can relate….related sessions @ https://karryon.privacemail.com/

if you are a parent struggling to not do what Ana May is doing listen here

Once we are still in the relationship even if we think another might have been brought into it by our partner we have the opportunity to focus on the relationship between the two and what might or might not be actually happening..to do that though takes some courage

Could we get caught up in a LIP Service Love Insurance Plan as a couple? What does that look or sound like? 

Lots of crap taking place following with lots of pledges of forever love….talk is talk

And even talkers move in together, get married and have children together…the difference usually is in how couples experience their relationships…love relationships are hard work sure…but when you begin to feel like you’re not a trained dentist but ‘pulling teeth’ to keep a relationship going or to keep loving feeling for a partner…well…really what sort of Insurance PLAN are you working with as a couple?

Relationship Coaching for couples and or individuals @ https://karryon.privacemail.com/

 

all the things we can get for our love partner and some of the things we get together with them are simply PRODUCTS of our love process

caution… if or when we neglect or short change our process, we cannot substitute products and hope to get the same results as a couple who are working on their process from which their products proceed naturally

Relationship Coaching @ https://karryon.privacemail.com/