Moving you forward one step at a time

“Failing” MARRIAGE

The Prince rules his kingdom….

so when it comes to picking a partner…what does the prince think…

is it that the prince goes off searching and searching because… he #needs his partner… take a moment to think about it…

when or if we choose and we say to our partner “I need you” and that is why I seek for you, and that is why I love you and that is why I want you and that is why I choose you … then  we are coming from a place of lack and our partner becomes something that we must have for survival…

would the prince really be in that position… when or if we approach someone form that position… our need to have our need has become our master and we have become the slave…and our master can bid us to do anything and almost everything we can to make sure our need is met…but this has little or nothing to do with what might be in the best interest of our partner who becomes nothing more than a source of survival….

Ahhhh…but that true prince…

that true prince knows that he can meet his own needs and so when going off in search of a partner looks around at all his options and opportunities and makes a very deliberate choice based on the virtues he observes, think Cinderella, think Sleeping Beauty, based on his desires, based on compatibility..think Love and Basketball, based on shared interests, think Save the Last Dance… yes that true prince says…

“I choose you” as “I have come to know and love you” and so “I want you” and by extension now “I need you” … but if per chance you would not have me…then I might mournfully go but it remains that “I chose you” and “I love you”

We are all like that prince and we can either be like that true prince or a fake prince…the fake prince is the one who acts like they are meeting the need themselves but approaches the partner from a place of real lack and need…. we win in #relationships when we can enter our #loverelationships our #committedrelationships our #marriages from a place of self-satisfaction ..where our partner simply takes it to another level

Cheers….do we shout for joy to our arranged marriages

and who exactly are those who shout for joy at these marriages, are they the partners or the invited guests…

even as we recently witnessed our ‘Real’ Wedding

it seems the “fairy tale” ideal is not lost on any of us, though we know it is not real…but a Royal Wedding makes us believe and so we Cheer

But after it is all finished the couple and guests sit on very different


All the guests who cheered, now as the marriage continues can;

Certainly Have An Interest Researching Stories….

what’s happening now with the couple? are things really working out? is he being faithful? are they getting divorced? what, no children?….. and it goes on and on

Meanwhile the couple, sit on a very different chair;

Creating Home And Intimacy Repeatedly…..

they sit with the ups and downs of all the day to day of now creating a home and family with all the joys and trails and triumphs

Richard looked twice…but thought maybe not a little while later there she was…tapping him on his shoulder…Shera..Richard and Shera had not seen each other for some years…they chatted and then Richard gave his number and suggested to Shera she could call sometime…

As time passed along on occasion those odd days of chilling out ..relaxing…lazing around…Shera would try to buzz…most times Richard’s phone would be busy…this happened a few times…Shera would be chilling out..relaxing..lazing around…and give Richard a call and the phone would be busy…Shera thought nothing of it…except she wondered how it never occurred to Richard on one of those occasions to check who might have called…

Time passed and again Shera and Richard met up accidentally ..of course Shera casually commented she called and his phone was actually always busy…

Richard seemed pleased as he smiled and then laughed mildly….

“Oh! that’s how it is..everybody always tells me that…you could probably try calling around…..”


Shera looks and feels confused and so asks….”Wait, you don’t call people.” Richard laughs…”most people call me…it’s easier that way…I’m usually so busy” … Shera could not drop the was so new to her…she then asks …”So what about your girlfriends” Richard again seemed quite pleased and then proudly informed that “actually I’ve always entered relationships after being pursued by girls”

Richard Must-B-Joking…. 

Shera looked at him in shock!

Now there is a level of compromise that is required and healthy in relationships, be it friendships or romantic relationships…

And there is a level of give and take in relationships that is absolutely beneficial to one person while it works to the hurt or disadvantage of the other….and the one in the advantageous or beneficial role often is quite comfortable…

How comfortable are you in your relationship?

Are you with a Richard Must-B-Joking? How has that been working out for you? Do you feel emotionally, mentally and physically drained?

As a therapist and life-coach it is sad, surprising and amazing how many of us believe in this…


Here is why we can NEVER (yes NEVER) WASTE TIME….

  1. While we separate time into parts for our discussion and convenience..time is ongoing…it ends when we move on from this life as we know it…time =the unlimited continued progress of existence and events in the past, present and future  …..
  2. We place a limit on time because we have a boxed-in view of what is possible during what time period of our lives..yet if we are honest we know of people who prove differently and continue to do so..which brings us to the next reason
  3. We all spend/invest/use do with our time exactly what we choose to….for example..let us say we were waiting in line for somethings and then when we get to the front it says come back tomorrow …we might say it was a waste of time ..was it really? thing is we choose to use our time just as we wanted to…
  4. What then does waste mean? waste=use more of something than is necessary useful….as individuals we decide how much time we consider necessary and or useful…so when we make use of that amount of time what we do to say after that it was a waste of time is to disrespect our process
  5. To claim to waste time is to disown our unique life and experience and basically who we chose to be in our past and it just opens the gateway for regrets…
  6. Regrets are simply egocentric focused rantings that serve no purpose..egocentric…it is all about if “I” and “I” AND “i” and the I that we speak of chose, acted and decided in the past so why not just really respect the same “I” that we are now focused on…

For support in living in the present and becoming your best self…

WTH! you think…you have been dating and met quite a few potential partners then suddenly whoop! there it is or here it is …34 and single….

It helps to consider this;

  • you are not alone…unfortunately this is especially true according to statistics for black women
  • trends indicate that many women across ethnicity and countries are coupling/marrying later

It does not help that;

  • the social and familial pressures and expectations remain
  • there might be a personal desire or even life goal that can no longer be met especially if it was one of those SMART  goals set for between 30-35

Moving Beyond 34 and Single;

We each and every one of us would find ourselves on that part of social norms where we are applauded and made to feel good about ourselves and on that part of social norms where we are made to feel partly or feel disappointed or as if we have disappointed.

Create your own life…

“But more than this she did it her way!”….. think that is how the song goes…

shhhh….tell you a secret…the World cannot handle every woman becoming a radical and going against the norms..what would happen to our species … (secret finished) that being said we might be able to appreciate how the social pressures to couple and copulate are actually quite helpful and needful to our species…

It’s nothing personal….

so if you did wake up 34 and single or might be soon…here are some tips;

  • live your life to its fullest and be all you can be
  • understand that while we belong to groups and have things in common with our group in some ways we will be different and that’s okay
  • know that there are now lots more options for dating and mate selection in today’s World
  • if fertility and baby making is a concern there are lots of options for that as well…

and if need be …can always log on for a session or 2 to carryon living your best life and being your best you @ 


All beds are unique…uniquely created by the couple or people who make their bed upon the bed…..

In relationships we take to bed all that has both been put in and even all that has been withheld from the relationship…

Unexpressed affections…go to bed too

Unexpressed gratitude…goes to bed too…

And all those wonderful emotions…

Unfortunately some couples or some person in the relationship might consider some emotions wonderful and some less wonderful and so we have one way in which couples might make up for themselves a


it is the bed of unspoken anger, aggression for fear that any expression of same would hurt the relationship … yet because our mind/body/spirit remains even as we does all the emotions we hold even within …

But sometimes it is not so innocent that the


is created….created when…

it is a bed riddled with lies

a bed riddled with with deception…

And what happens as we go on on such a bed unfortunately sometimes we sacrifice disharmony within ourselves for an illusion of harmony in the relationship….

We all deserve a comfortable sleep



Our choice of romantic interest or partner for life can greatly impact our lives in many ways…the greatest of which is “Our Stress Factor” …

For related sessions log on @

Even when we reach that place of realizing the relationship is unhealthy and toxic leaving is a process for which we need be patient with ourselves while also finding the support to actually leave…

For related sessions log on @

For related sessions log on @


As a therapist heard it many times…”she hurls …

all sort of remarks, almost daring me to hit her, at the slightest retaliation she launches a physical assault, just don’t want to hit her that is not how I was brought up”…

does she hit….????????????????????

We make it so that no one has to know..log on online anytime and anywhere 24/7 hr choice for appointments … #relationshipcoaching #onlineoffice with #KarryOn @



Let’s face it from the time we got here we been opening our mouths and drinking…

Drinking is our default setting it is our comfort position for life….

we began on the boob then went to the bottle

Is it any wonder then that if or when we feel like we have failed we run for a



you guessed it…

A BOTTLE… we want a drink…

and that glup glup glup …soothes us …calms our tensions.. and makes us feel at ease again….

but thing is that none of us can escape failing ….

it part of life

and those who succeed are simply those who view failure as part of the process of success and life as an ongoing journey instead of a

CHECKLIST with related score points…

so if you or someone you know has began a pattern of going for the bottle during a stress time…

let them know its only natural…

but there is a better way…a healthier way…

log on and let’s fill up on increasing all the good thoughts and feelings inside self so we can stand or sit when that disappointment hits and then eventually #keepgoing

we all need to drink and a drink at times

but we must grab hold of our drink and not let our drink grab hold of us online counselling or online therapy can fill us up just right :_)

#alcoholism #alcoholicsanonymous #AA #sobriety #addiction #onlinecounselling #onlinetherapy #KarryOnServices #breakingthehabit #helpfordrinking #quittingalcohol #chainsmokers #alcoholicbeverage #drinking #arrivealive #DUI

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Simply Marriage

So simply put marriage=an action/ceremony/ritual between two people that is legally recognized  as a binding romantic commitment with legal implications thereafter

So What’s the big deal?

Many a woman especially become sad distressed if this legal process does not happen within a certain time frame they consider themselves less than and failing in some way …

And all because we live in a World where women and some men have been taught that there self esteem is based on BEING MARRIED

Practical Man For some men truthfully this thing of marriage might never be

give the World’s culture of the roaming predator man

but for some of course there is a need to have children, someone to care for them and sometimes it positions them better for some target job

Marriage Statistics

Marriages are in crisis

Divorce is rampant

because at the end of day MARRIAGE IS ONLY MARRIAGE 

Relation-SHIPS go on a journey from day 1

As time goes on it is the work put in by both people that determines how the relation-SHIP feels and experienced by each

When both people are committed to working on self and the relation-SHIP

It naturally develops along with their commitment for each other

And so with time they have a firm commitment to each other, the relationship and the longevity of the relation-SHIP

and so when a proposal of marriage is made

they understand that it is ONLY MARRIAGE the legalizing of an existing commitment and so they are simply getting married with a GREAT chance of a lasting marriage  

The Flip side of ONLY MARRIAGE

For those practical men … its only marriage … aka a ring with benefits

For those who are playing a game and wish to appease or compensate an angry partner … its only marriage … aka a ring to not lose a beneficial ‘catch’

For those who long to be married … its only marriage … aka a ring that is deemed to have magical powers to make them feel good about self

For those who are pressured to marry for respectability or for social benefits … its only marriage … aka a ring that provides opportunity

For those who seek financial aid and can figure no other way out … its only marriage … aka a ring that provides an income and insurance and fringe financial benefits

And the list goes on and on

So before  getting all excited consider its only marriage and the marriages that survive and thrive is when the action/ceremony/ritual performed is only formality

Relationship Coaching, Couples Therapy, Couples Mediation

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