Moving you forward one step at a time

“Failing” MARRIAGE

Richard looked twice…but thought maybe not a little while later there she was…tapping him on his shoulder…Shera..Richard and Shera had not seen each other for some years…they chatted and then Richard gave his number and suggested to Shera she could call sometime…

As time passed along on occasion those odd days of chilling out ..relaxing…lazing around…Shera would try to buzz…most times Richard’s phone would be busy…this happened a few times…Shera would be chilling out..relaxing..lazing around…and give Richard a call and the phone would be busy…Shera thought nothing of it…except she wondered how it never occurred to Richard on one of those occasions to check who might have called…

Time passed and again Shera and Richard met up accidentally ..of course Shera casually commented she called and his phone was actually always busy…

Richard seemed pleased as he smiled and then laughed mildly….

“Oh! that’s how it is..everybody always tells me that…you could probably try calling around…..”


Shera looks and feels confused and so asks….”Wait, you don’t call people.” Richard laughs…”most people call me…it’s easier that way…I’m usually so busy” … Shera could not drop the was so new to her…she then asks …”So what about your girlfriends” Richard again seemed quite pleased and then proudly informed that “actually I’ve always entered relationships after being pursued by girls”

Richard Must-B-Joking…. 

Shera looked at him in shock!

Now there is a level of compromise that is required and healthy in relationships, be it friendships or romantic relationships…

And there is a level of give and take in relationships that is absolutely beneficial to one person while it works to the hurt or disadvantage of the other….and the one in the advantageous or beneficial role often is quite comfortable…

How comfortable are you in your relationship?

Are you with a Richard Must-B-Joking? How has that been working out for you? Do you feel emotionally, mentally and physically drained?

As a therapist and life-coach it is sad, surprising and amazing how many of us believe in this…


Here is why we can NEVER (yes NEVER) WASTE TIME….

  1. While we separate time into parts for our discussion and convenience..time is ongoing…it ends when we move on from this life as we know it…time =the unlimited continued progress of existence and events in the past, present and future  …..
  2. We place a limit on time because we have a boxed-in view of what is possible during what time period of our lives..yet if we are honest we know of people who prove differently and continue to do so..which brings us to the next reason
  3. We all spend/invest/use do with our time exactly what we choose to….for example..let us say we were waiting in line for somethings and then when we get to the front it says come back tomorrow …we might say it was a waste of time ..was it really? thing is we choose to use our time just as we wanted to…
  4. What then does waste mean? waste=use more of something than is necessary useful….as individuals we decide how much time we consider necessary and or useful…so when we make use of that amount of time what we do to say after that it was a waste of time is to disrespect our process
  5. To claim to waste time is to disown our unique life and experience and basically who we chose to be in our past and it just opens the gateway for regrets…
  6. Regrets are simply egocentric focused rantings that serve no purpose..egocentric…it is all about if “I” and “I” AND “i” and the I that we speak of chose, acted and decided in the past so why not just really respect the same “I” that we are now focused on…

For support in living in the present and becoming your best self…

WTH! you think…you have been dating and met quite a few potential partners then suddenly whoop! there it is or here it is …34 and single….

It helps to consider this;

  • you are not alone…unfortunately this is especially true according to statistics for black women
  • trends indicate that many women across ethnicity and countries are coupling/marrying later

It does not help that;

  • the social and familial pressures and expectations remain
  • there might be a personal desire or even life goal that can no longer be met especially if it was one of those SMART  goals set for between 30-35

Moving Beyond 34 and Single;

We each and every one of us would find ourselves on that part of social norms where we are applauded and made to feel good about ourselves and on that part of social norms where we are made to feel partly or feel disappointed or as if we have disappointed.

Create your own life…

“But more than this she did it her way!”….. think that is how the song goes…

shhhh….tell you a secret…the World cannot handle every woman becoming a radical and going against the norms..what would happen to our species … (secret finished) that being said we might be able to appreciate how the social pressures to couple and copulate are actually quite helpful and needful to our species…

It’s nothing personal….

so if you did wake up 34 and single or might be soon…here are some tips;

  • live your life to its fullest and be all you can be
  • understand that while we belong to groups and have things in common with our group in some ways we will be different and that’s okay
  • know that there are now lots more options for dating and mate selection in today’s World
  • if fertility and baby making is a concern there are lots of options for that as well…

and if need be …can always log on for a session or 2 to carryon living your best life and being your best you @ 


All beds are unique…uniquely created by the couple or people who make their bed upon the bed…..

In relationships we take to bed all that has both been put in and even all that has been withheld from the relationship…

Unexpressed affections…go to bed too

Unexpressed gratitude…goes to bed too…

And all those wonderful emotions…

Unfortunately some couples or some person in the relationship might consider some emotions wonderful and some less wonderful and so we have one way in which couples might make up for themselves a


it is the bed of unspoken anger, aggression for fear that any expression of same would hurt the relationship … yet because our mind/body/spirit remains even as we does all the emotions we hold even within …

But sometimes it is not so innocent that the


is created….created when…

it is a bed riddled with lies

a bed riddled with with deception…

And what happens as we go on on such a bed unfortunately sometimes we sacrifice disharmony within ourselves for an illusion of harmony in the relationship….

We all deserve a comfortable sleep



Our choice of romantic interest or partner for life can greatly impact our lives in many ways…the greatest of which is “Our Stress Factor” …

For related sessions log on @

Even when we reach that place of realizing the relationship is unhealthy and toxic leaving is a process for which we need be patient with ourselves while also finding the support to actually leave…

For related sessions log on @

For related sessions log on @


As a therapist heard it many times…”she hurls …

all sort of remarks, almost daring me to hit her, at the slightest retaliation she launches a physical assault, just don’t want to hit her that is not how I was brought up”…

does she hit….????????????????????

We make it so that no one has to know..log on online anytime and anywhere 24/7 hr choice for appointments … #relationshipcoaching #onlineoffice with #KarryOn @



Let’s face it from the time we got here we been opening our mouths and drinking…

Drinking is our default setting it is our comfort position for life….

we began on the boob then went to the bottle

Is it any wonder then that if or when we feel like we have failed we run for a



you guessed it…

A BOTTLE… we want a drink…

and that glup glup glup …soothes us …calms our tensions.. and makes us feel at ease again….

but thing is that none of us can escape failing ….

it part of life

and those who succeed are simply those who view failure as part of the process of success and life as an ongoing journey instead of a

CHECKLIST with related score points…

so if you or someone you know has began a pattern of going for the bottle during a stress time…

let them know its only natural…

but there is a better way…a healthier way…

log on and let’s fill up on increasing all the good thoughts and feelings inside self so we can stand or sit when that disappointment hits and then eventually #keepgoing

we all need to drink and a drink at times

but we must grab hold of our drink and not let our drink grab hold of us online counselling or online therapy can fill us up just right :_)

#alcoholism #alcoholicsanonymous #AA #sobriety #addiction #onlinecounselling #onlinetherapy #KarryOnServices #breakingthehabit #helpfordrinking #quittingalcohol #chainsmokers #alcoholicbeverage #drinking #arrivealive #DUI

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Simply Marriage

So simply put marriage=an action/ceremony/ritual between two people that is legally recognized  as a binding romantic commitment with legal implications thereafter

So What’s the big deal?

Many a woman especially become sad distressed if this legal process does not happen within a certain time frame they consider themselves less than and failing in some way …

And all because we live in a World where women and some men have been taught that there self esteem is based on BEING MARRIED

Practical Man For some men truthfully this thing of marriage might never be

give the World’s culture of the roaming predator man

but for some of course there is a need to have children, someone to care for them and sometimes it positions them better for some target job

Marriage Statistics

Marriages are in crisis

Divorce is rampant

because at the end of day MARRIAGE IS ONLY MARRIAGE 

Relation-SHIPS go on a journey from day 1

As time goes on it is the work put in by both people that determines how the relation-SHIP feels and experienced by each

When both people are committed to working on self and the relation-SHIP

It naturally develops along with their commitment for each other

And so with time they have a firm commitment to each other, the relationship and the longevity of the relation-SHIP

and so when a proposal of marriage is made

they understand that it is ONLY MARRIAGE the legalizing of an existing commitment and so they are simply getting married with a GREAT chance of a lasting marriage  

The Flip side of ONLY MARRIAGE

For those practical men … its only marriage … aka a ring with benefits

For those who are playing a game and wish to appease or compensate an angry partner … its only marriage … aka a ring to not lose a beneficial ‘catch’

For those who long to be married … its only marriage … aka a ring that is deemed to have magical powers to make them feel good about self

For those who are pressured to marry for respectability or for social benefits … its only marriage … aka a ring that provides opportunity

For those who seek financial aid and can figure no other way out … its only marriage … aka a ring that provides an income and insurance and fringe financial benefits

And the list goes on and on

So before  getting all excited consider its only marriage and the marriages that survive and thrive is when the action/ceremony/ritual performed is only formality

Relationship Coaching, Couples Therapy, Couples Mediation

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As we approach the end of this year and into the New Year, the reality is this, for some it is only the day that is new, even the years seem to run into each other. It is said that nothing is PERMANENT. But life being life always presents complexity and exceptions. And so this blog is dedicated to acknowledging and encouraging all the courageous women and men who would love to wake up on the first day of a New Year and some life situation disappear but they know that it is so much more that POSITIVE THINKING, so much more than LAW OF ATTRACTION, so much more than going for counselling (and yes as a therapist and advocate to the benefits of counselling, I just said that)! Why? Why?

Well life does not always give a reason but sometime we make a choice, and even with new understanding and insight later the implications of that choice linger and linger, and decisions are made to preserve safety of self & others, sometimes because of religious/spiritual convictions, or plain outright duress. After all it is real life and real life is messy.

So the question is how on earth does one manage the “Z” code? well it is simple, which for some makes it so hard! First off accept you are at Z, meaning there is no escaping the current situation at this time. And so herein lies the wisdom of Victor Frankl when he said   Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” And so it is to decide upon your attitude. 

What attitude? Simply to empower oneself by understanding your “why” … why do you choose to go on, to endure and believe it or not such would empower, encourage and inspire more than you know. And if you think about and feel your “why” deeply enough you would actually find you are able to encourage others in similar situations to keep going to carry on.

Impossible? Nah! Not at all. Want to mention two clients had the blessed and do mean blessed opportunity to meet with. One of them as we dealt with another matter, calmly told her story of being assaulted by a close, very close, male relative and birthing a child as a result. Her son was a teen at the time. And there she was offering to come in and speak to a support group for women. It is possible. It is! Another, acknowledging that while she would love to leave her physically abusive husband realized the intricate workings of her social system and his great connections. In consideration of her children’s safety, sought ways to cope, support her children’s well-being as best as she could, find ways to manage her partner’s fragile ego, until better might be done.  

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So for those who must keep on keeping on with the same ole same ole into the New Year. Best Wishes! Grace & Guidance! And remember it is possible!