Moving you forward one step at a time

Love Relationships

Sometimes the message is clear; he or she is showing clearly for one reason or the other they don’t have the heart to love in a real way…and so they do things to sabotage, they run, they turn away do things to push away…and we remain there asking “why do you keep doing this?” or “what am I doing wrong?” when truth be told is that for one reason of the other the person is incapable of loving anyone in a real way (probably just for this time) but sometimes for some its for a very very long time… and then we might even want to tell the person ‘hush’ as we work harder and harder and harder thinking we have the ‘magic’ needed to bring love out of them… but trust James and hear him as his haunting message would live on forever as true in some situations

Training on the virtue of getting together and living the dream starts early… sure it might be more targeted to women but its also with men and so as girls grow and boys grow there is this subtle unconscious message…

let’s call it ‘Wedding’ Worship…

basically that we have really hit that home run, if or when we get that ‘official’ relationship commitment…

and so some come out with one focus in relationships ‘catching a man’ (a good man, whatever good might mean) or ‘snatching and ‘locking down’ a good woman) or “partner” … and for these people, it’s all about the end so…

its a show, its about strategy, manipulation even, acting to get a desired result, here Leroy discovers it could even be about ‘Goumangala’ (witchcraft, black magic, obeah) all because of moving the focus away from building a healthy relationship which could even mean leaving one for another and moving the focus on scoring the big one …. that official commitment aka wedding …

Some of us go along being ignorant of this, only to have that Dr. Hyde and Mr. Jekyll effect happen after the goal is done…

Having recently noted an article about whether sex toys that closely look like the ‘real thing’ or not, are allowed into a certain country by law another question came…

How many relationships are allowed to pass off as the ‘real thing’ because of a basic law that in today’s society it is better to have a steady supply of sex than have to constantly seek out casual sexual satisfaction…

After all, we might welcome white still for weddings..but surely man and woman alike we are no longer too concerned with being truly ‘white’ on a wedding day…

So how then do we discover if the relationship is the ‘real thing’ or just a ‘sex den’ …

  1. Real relationships have a range… meaning they focus on many aspects that stretch the person beyond a physical sexual stretch
  2.  But then again being in a ‘sex den’ can lead anyone to pretend to stretch outside the bedroom as well as long as that sex is steady
  3. Real relationships can survive sex breaks (now the length of time is surely dependent on the couple)
  4. ‘Sex Den’ look-alikes usually either crumble under break periods or else use break periods as an excuse for the other partner going astray (interesting & ironic since surely the time would come when one or both partners might not be able to ‘go at it’ as he/she used to)
  5. Real relationships do not objectify (in real relationships while there might be an appreciation of a partner at a particular size, in specific clothing styles, or hairstyles, there is no excessive pressure to comply)
  6. But in ‘sex den’ look-alikes there are both the spoken and the unspoken expectations to satisfy some agreed ‘ideal’
  7. Real relationships embrace varied sexual experiences with varied levels of satisfaction for each or both because of an appreciation for realities and context and recent changes in 1 partner or both
  8. But in ‘sex den’ relationships it is all about the performance period

These 8 only begin to scratch the surface… and truth be told as one meme suggested …

“sex can keep a “relationship” going for a very long time”

But usually, we know…

so the bigger question is if we do what makes up not either;

@ level-up that relationship (if possible)?

@ stay?

Guess its because we are all white with the sexuality as it shows up in the relationship…

The Prince rules his kingdom….

so when it comes to picking a partner…what does the prince think…

is it that the prince goes off searching and searching because… he #needs his partner… take a moment to think about it…

when or if we choose and we say to our partner “I need you” and that is why I seek for you, and that is why I love you and that is why I want you and that is why I choose you … then  we are coming from a place of lack and our partner becomes something that we must have for survival…

would the prince really be in that position… when or if we approach someone form that position… our need to have our need has become our master and we have become the slave…and our master can bid us to do anything and almost everything we can to make sure our need is met…but this has little or nothing to do with what might be in the best interest of our partner who becomes nothing more than a source of survival….

Ahhhh…but that true prince…

that true prince knows that he can meet his own needs and so when going off in search of a partner looks around at all his options and opportunities and makes a very deliberate choice based on the virtues he observes, think Cinderella, think Sleeping Beauty, based on his desires, based on compatibility..think Love and Basketball, based on shared interests, think Save the Last Dance… yes that true prince says…

“I choose you” as “I have come to know and love you” and so “I want you” and by extension now “I need you” … but if per chance you would not have me…then I might mournfully go but it remains that “I chose you” and “I love you”

We are all like that prince and we can either be like that true prince or a fake prince…the fake prince is the one who acts like they are meeting the need themselves but approaches the partner from a place of real lack and need…. we win in #relationships when we can enter our #loverelationships our #committedrelationships our #marriages from a place of self-satisfaction ..where our partner simply takes it to another levelhttps://karryon.privacemail.com/

Yellow for friendships….

But have we ever considered who is the ‘friend’ we get on the ship with..

Friend …a person who supports a particular cause

How often are we seduced by friendly behaviors and outward acts of affection only to discover that the person(s) were working for a cause that was not or is not in our best interest? or maybe we have never had this experience or hardly ever? then great!

But for those of us who are easily seduced by false friends

What are the possible checklists or safeguards?

  1. Being a friend to our-self is the first safeguard. It is the only way we would be prepared to expect and accept only those things that are in our best interest.
  2. Words are not an indication of intent…behaviors are.
  3. While behaviors are indicators of intent, intent can be mis-interpreted for better or worse. Therefore another safeguard is to appreciate that ongoing behaviors make sense. Therefore if contradictory behaviors are noticed have selftrust
  4. Work on feelings of worthiness and lovableness so that there is no value judgement of worthiness if a friendship is not going as expected and therefore it becomes easier to view the relationship for what it is and choose accordingly, rather than hold on to a toxic relationships to preserve feelings of worthiness

If we often find ourselves in false friendships it might be a #redflag that we can benefit from improving our Self Esteem  https://karryon.privacemail.com/

Richard looked twice…but thought maybe not a little while later there she was…tapping him on his shoulder…Shera..Richard and Shera had not seen each other for some years…they chatted and then Richard gave his number and suggested to Shera she could call sometime…

As time passed along on occasion those odd days of chilling out ..relaxing…lazing around…Shera would try to buzz…most times Richard’s phone would be busy…this happened a few times…Shera would be chilling out..relaxing..lazing around…and give Richard a call and the phone would be busy…Shera thought nothing of it…except she wondered how it never occurred to Richard on one of those occasions to check who might have called…

Time passed and again Shera and Richard met up accidentally ..of course Shera casually commented she called and his phone was actually always busy…

Richard seemed pleased as he smiled and then laughed mildly….

“Oh! that’s how it is..everybody always tells me that…you could probably try calling around…..”

PAUSE…..https://www.elitedaily.com/dating/one-sided-relationship/1269161

Shera looks and feels confused and so asks….”Wait, you don’t call people.” Richard laughs…”most people call me…it’s easier that way…I’m usually so busy” … Shera could not drop the subject..it was so new to her…she then asks …”So what about your girlfriends” Richard again seemed quite pleased and then proudly informed that “actually I’ve always entered relationships after being pursued by girls”

Richard Must-B-Joking…. 

Shera looked at him in shock!

Now there is a level of compromise that is required and healthy in relationships, be it friendships or romantic relationships…

And there is a level of give and take in relationships that is absolutely beneficial to one person while it works to the hurt or disadvantage of the other….and the one in the advantageous or beneficial role often is quite comfortable…

How comfortable are you in your relationship?

Are you with a Richard Must-B-Joking? How has that been working out for you? Do you feel emotionally, mentally and physically drained? https://karryon.privacemail.com/

Try as Ana May might she was unable to pull from her beloved Dick the love and commitment she wanted from her relationship and her Anabel was not doing the trick…

Postpartum ….

This was no ordinary postpartum but the type that came because of a mourning for a relationship that was …the type that came because the child trick had not worked ..

so “I starve you starve”

Anabel would now become exposed to what Ana was exposed to as a child…

NOT being loved for the essence of who they were but being loved if and only if…

Anabel got love when or if her baby actions were interpreted as comforting Ana

Anabel got love when or if someone mentioned how much she resembled her daddy

Anabel got love when or if Ana needed to feel indispensable…

(outside of that Anabel was deemed a nuisance and a trigger for Ana May’s postpartum depression …she took time away from Ana May being able to mourn and track down her Dick)

Without realizing it Anabel was creating another her…another woman who was being conditioned from early that they were not worthy of love just because they were naturally worthy but only when or if they made the object of their desire happy..only if or when they worked tirelessly to please the object of their affections and even so another woman was being conditioned that no matter what they did they would never become loved for who they were in a real way for they were always there to simply be useful to another just as Anabel was a tool to save a relationship

The truth can be a bitter pill but it can also be our saving grace if worked through….What would become of Ana May….

Tune in next week for more as Ana May goes back in time 

if you or someone you know can relate….related sessions @ https://karryon.privacemail.com/

if you are a parent struggling to not do what Ana May is doing listen here

Once we are still in the relationship even if we think another might have been brought into it by our partner we have the opportunity to focus on the relationship between the two and what might or might not be actually happening..to do that though takes some courage

Could we get caught up in a LIP Service Love Insurance Plan as a couple? What does that look or sound like? 

Lots of crap taking place following with lots of pledges of forever love….talk is talk

And even talkers move in together, get married and have children together…the difference usually is in how couples experience their relationships…love relationships are hard work sure…but when you begin to feel like you’re not a trained dentist but ‘pulling teeth’ to keep a relationship going or to keep loving feeling for a partner…well…really what sort of Insurance PLAN are you working with as a couple?

http://www.karryonservices.com schedule a session or share the contact information with someone