Moving you forward one step at a time

parenting

To some of you parents it might be (alright please, not again). But for many of our children its worth it…

so again what are some other ways to check in or out that your child is being prepared to conquer their World.

Overprotection reaps resistance

As mentioned in an earlier post in this Series, openness to experience and curiosity is all part of being a developing child (hopefully we keep some of it as adults too)

For some children though, everything is all well and good, the openness is there once it is something that was done with parents or within the home… so in other words the child goes out into the school environment partly prepared to benefit from school because their mindset is …

“this is good once it was done before or something like it was done before with the parents” (and we are not talking here about religious restrictions or beliefs)

for example, Johnny is asked to move his hand in square-like motion looking at the drawing of the square (odd request we agree) but the exercise has a purpose … however Johnny gets in a panic and refuses because “you don’t move your hand like a square, you move it in circles, his parents taught him that…. get the point …

While as parents its important to protect and guide its as important to make room for responsible and safe others (such as teachers, coaches etc.) to be able to teach new things which the kids then can take pleasure in teaching parents

Recover & Resilience…good balance

Now take Johnny again but coming from a more balanced experience… he is asked to move his hands in a square-like motion … being new to him, and being guided by his parents that its natural to move his hands in a circle, and being trained to trust his parents…Johnny pauses and wonders about the request… since his parents also communicated to him that he would meet new and sometimes challenging experiences (a lot of which he could handle with a little effort) he giggles and tries …. that is recovery (coming back from the shock of an unexpected request) and resilience (being able to move forward) … Johnny eventually learned the purpose of the exercise and feels proud of himself for trying http://www.karryonservices.com/company-profile/

So how do we get there as parents?

Once children understand the needful in terms of warning signs for if/when an adult is hurting them and what to do.. . then its safe to help them to appreciate how other adults become part of their ‘team’ to help them grow and develop

But truth be told somehttps://www.heysigmund.com/building-resilience-children/times as parents it is we who sometimes need to work a bit more on being able to trust enough to do so.

Becoming a single mom through circumstances or choosing to be a single mom is entering a very unique type of parenting experience….

But where does or did the idea of the need for the ‘strong single mom’ come about, especially true within the Caribbean community

Picture of our ‘strong single mom’

Before going further, let’s make sure we are looking at the same picture. ‘Strong single mom’ … she is the lady who does it all, she bears it all silently, surviving by all means (for some even any means) necessary, she does her part and that of the other partner too, some might say she is a picture of a large section of the ‘modern-day woman’ … Watch her roar!

‘Strong single mom’ dilemma

Many modern day women do not talk much about it, because after all, we women come so far, made so much progress, and now the subtle and sometimes not so subtle mantra is, “we can do whatever men can do”

Now hear this… even outside of the single mom, when moms are coupled the research shows that modern-day women are bearing strain since household duties, as well as other gender-expectations remain in addition to working outside the home, so many women are bearing much ‘strain’ and looking quite good doing it too even when partnered.https://www.huffpost.com/entry/working-mothers-need-changed-expectations_n_6801798

Mother’s Day gift to ‘strong single moms’ … BOSS up!

Boost Selfcare

As a single mom, it means it is even more important that you be there for your child(ren). They need you literally. Often this is what pushes many ‘strong single moms’ to become ‘strong single moms’ as they keep thinking “I’m doing this for my kids” but let’s take a moment to pause and put first things first… your children need and want you around as long as possible…so it’s more important than ever single moms to become boss @ self-care

Operate @s @ CEO

Single moms in many ways are the CEO @home. And what makes for a strong organization, isn’t it a good CEO? And basically, the CEO takes a broad-look @ what’s happening and plans for 3-5 years in advance. Far too often in my office,  moms are there who are dealin with 

what came up all the while they were busying being a ‘single strong mom’ making sure the kids got it all, but missing some really important things….

CEO can always adjust their style…so the single mom as CEO, looks around @t her household those she holds responsibility for and considers what needs would come up and begins putting things in place by making key choices in terms of the people, places, resources she introduces or exposes them to, to help them develop into their best selves (real CEO business)

Seek Striving over Surviving

Being real though many ‘strong single moms’ find it easier to remain as ‘strong single moms’ because they are caught up in ‘surviving’ in other words anxiety rules the day, the work of a parent is never done, just imagine then for a single mom. Ironically that is the reason why moms who are operating as single moms, need more than ever to manage anxiety by learning and using stress-busting activities and instead of living in anxisty (which is actually stressing over the future) take time outs to watch possible future possibilities and plan for it (CEO action)

Share struggles sometimes

Gonna take the time to share something, met a few ‘strong single moms’ and it’s clear they could handle it! But in the day-to-day moments its easy to forget to remember as a single mom that “you can and you would handle it” … the thing is that ‘strong single mom” status can often be a very lonely place especially since many create an even tighter barrier between parent-and-child.

But whatever the circumstances or reasons for the ‘strong single mom’ status, remember the child(ren) are being impacted to, and so sometimes selectively sharing struggles can actually open up the communication lines and allow for information-sharing that could be very beneficial (sort of like when the CEO asks staff for suggestions) and more than that it creates bonding within the household and helps all to empathize with each other and be more willing to work together

To all the ‘strong single moms’ out there..do hope this blog comes as a real-time gift that lasts long beyond Mother’s Day 2019…BOSS up!

Order stability creates a measure of safety and security for our children as they grow and become more and more independent and explore their World.

Rules;

part of what creates that is understanding that their are rules….

Egocentric;

children are naturally ego focused the younger they are and its necessary…part of the adults job is to help them learn how to move beyond and interact with others and consider others…

Rules/Discipline/why?…

Rules are all around and those who do not follow rules are in one way or the other isolated…this is what we begin to teach with the idea of a ‘naughty corner’ … (it is important then that children understand the reason for a naughty corner)

For related sessions https://karryon.privacemail.com/

Dear Positive Psychology People, 

As you know within any group there are sub-groups, today turning attention to our positive psychology people who are…

non-parents… so

Dear Non-parents,

Attended a fantastic symposium last Friday where persons were able to brainstorm and share views on social topics…guess what came up?

pressures on those “of age” with no children, pressures on those against the “biological clock” … so

as Positive Psychology Non-parents, 

let’s highlight our Do’s and Dont’s……

we Don’t;

  • Deny our reality or that of the social pressures
  • Defend our right to have our views
  • Deny other people their right to their views
  • Do nothing and pretend the reality would go away…

what we Do;

  • Develop our own unique point of view on the matter (positive psychology is all about being strength-based)

therefore a positive psychology non-parent asks, would I want to have children eventually, if no, then how do I maintain a life that I am comfortable with while allowing society to hold their views

if yes then; …what are the options available to me as an individual that I would be most comfortable with … and positive psychology people are people that progress…so the next thing is to move forward in the direction of chosen options…

Yet part of accepting reality is accepting the pressures, so in the event that it is viewed as needful or helpful remember there is #onlinetherapy or #lifecoaching available via #Karryonservices @ https://karryon.privacemail.com/ 

#biologicalclock #parentingmatters #abortion #adoption #moderndaylife #blendedfamilies #gendermatters #malematters #femalematters

 

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If you have a complicated relationship with a senior parent, the holidays can be a stressful time, especially if you have hopes of someday making it better between the two of you. If your parent has recently entered treatment for addiction, your relationship is likely fraught with even more difficulty.

When the holidays approach, you may have feelings of dread and pain, knowing the season won’t be as merry without the loving embrace of your parent. If you want to reconnect, there’s no time like the present. And with a renewed sense of accomplishment from addiction treatment, your parent may be wishing for the same thing.

Understanding Addiction

In order to forgive, it helps to understand addiction. Addiction is a chronic disease in which the person has strong impulses to seek drugs or alcohol despite the harmful effects on their body and those around them. While the initial decision to take drugs is voluntary, the brain changes that occur over time cause an addicted person’s self-control to disappear and can curb their ability to resist the intense impulse to use.

Like other chronic diseases, such as diabetes, asthma or heart disease, addiction can be managed. However, it’s not uncommon for a person to relapse and begin using again. Relapse doesn’t mean the end of treatment, but it does mean that treatment should start again, and perhaps it should be changed to adjust for new circumstances.

Addiction in seniors

Senior are not immune to addiction. http://mentalhealthforseniors.com/ Older adults are dealing with many painful aspects of aging, such as loneliness, loss of abilities, chronic illnesses and less mobility. These things can lead to drinking more heavily or turning to drugs. Seniors also take a lot more prescription opiates, and these can be very addictive.

According to the National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence, there are 2.5 million older adults with an alcohol or drug problem. Six to 11 percent of senior hospital admissions are because of alcohol or drug problems: 14 percent of senior emergency room admissions and 20 percent of senior psychiatric hospital admissions. Almost 50 percent of nursing home residents have alcohol-related issues. Nearly 17 million prescriptions for tranquilizers are prescribed for older adults each year, with benzodiazepines being the most commonly abused medication.

If your elderly parent has recently started treatment, understand that it’s not your fault. Their addiction came about because of their initial choices to use drugs or drink, not because of anything you did. If your parent was using when you were a child, you likely took a lot of blame while growing up, which means you automatically internalize the narrative. Again, it’s not your fault.

If you’re struggling with your own self-esteem around your parent’s addiction, try seeking help from a professional. Seeing a therapist will help you understand why you think the way you do and what you can do to change it. A therapist will also help you with approaches to reconciliation.https://karryon.privacemail.com/

Mending fences

When it is time to talk, don’t attack. Remember to use “I statements,” instead of “you statements.” “You always …” is an attack. “I feel …” is a safer approach. Know what to expect out of the conversation: Do you want an apology? Do you want to be left alone? Do you want to hear that your loved? You might not get everything you ask for, but you should know what it is you would like.

Be patient. Reconciliation doesn’t come easy https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/975200.Daniel_Bates/blog– it’s unlikely your parent will apologize and you’ll suddenly feel better. Unfortunately, life doesn’t work that way. Even if your parent is perfectly conciliatory, you might not experience healing for quite some time.

Give it time, and take baby steps. Even with just a little dialogue with your parent, you might be able to get through the holidays without a fight or increased hard feelings. But if things go south, you’ll feel better knowing that you tried. And you can always try again another time.

Contributed by Teresa Greenhill

It is natural to work hard to ensure our children have “shelter” of “a roof over their head” … but that is a HOUSE. And because children by virtue of their stage of developmental are quite vulnerable providing a HOME is equally important…. and often as a society we pay a might high price when little thought and action goes behind providing a home for our children

Home for the child is a place of emotional physical and spiritual safety

And where parents and guardians are concerned the act of providing a home is ongoing for our children…

One of our great unspoken tragedies that often occurs within and or around the home environment is that of sexual abuse with our girls and boys now being almost equally at risk .. our focus needs to always be on two things;

keeping the home safe emotionally physically and spiritually for the child

moving to remove anyone or anything that presents emotion physical or spiritual harm or else get the child to a place of safety

As parents we remain human .. if or when any shadow aspect of our humanity threatens our safety it is for us to search out help to better our selves and or even protect our children from that shadow 

Why is it even important? 

After doing the session which was nothing short of energy and fun… it was again obvious the need for PTA, even at this age some children take boldly to watching themselves, while others shy away from the mirror … taking time to tune in to what is being shared in both video can go along way to ensure your child can bravely boldly and lovingly look at him/herself and know they have all within to progress upwards and onwards … tune in  

Children who feel connected to family relatives and home will tend to have a stronger self-image…. remember we must use TACT with our little ones. 

“All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages….” …

….At first, the infant,
Mewling and puking in the nurse’s arms.
Then the whining schoolboy, with his satchel
And shining morning face, creeping like snail
Unwillingly to school. And then the lover,
Sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad
Made to his mistress’ eyebrow. Then a soldier,
Full of strange oaths and bearded like the pard,
Jealous in honor, sudden and quick in quarrel,
Seeking the bubble reputation
Even in the cannon’s mouth. And then the justice,
In fair round belly with good capon lined,
With eyes severe and beard of formal cut,
Full of wise saws and modern instances;
And so he plays his part. The sixth age shifts
Into the lean and slippered pantaloon,
With spectacles on nose and pouch on side;
His youthful hose, well saved, a world too wide
For his shrunk shank, and his big manly voice,
Turning again toward childish treble, pipes
And whistles in his sound. Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful history,
Is second childishness and mere oblivion,
Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything…”