Moving you forward one step at a time

Relationship Dynamics

The many faces of Personality

Personality could be described in many ways, some call it charisma, others attitudes and behaviors. Personality in a broad sense is simply those qualities that endure, stand the test of time and lead to a pattern in the way we generally feel, think and operate or behave.

Interestingly enough, eventhough we understand that people have personalities, many of us do get into relationships either hoping or genuinely believing we could change our partners.

Does Personality Change?

From within the womb personality is developing, and that is very real since, our hormones, and genes contributes in some way to our personalities, our natural inclinations. And as we interact the personality is developing. It has been found that the basic structure or basic inclination of our personality, the foundation is formed by about 7 years.

But it does not stop there! Personality is a part of ourselves that is very much alive and constantly being changed in some way by our experiences. 

But what it might help to appreciate though, is that peronality is similar to building a house  its possible to make additions and general changes to the structure 

However eventhough we are able to make those adjustments we are working on a particular house, so some basic foundation aspects of the structure would always remain, also it is easier to make adjustments to some areas of the house than to other areas

but that is not all…another very important thing to recognize is that if the original builders of the house did ‘sloppy work’ that compromised the structure of the house to begin with then the basic structure would be faulty….this is a good way to understand how personality becomes disordered leading to lots of problems in relationships and sometimes the basic sturctural work is truly difficult if not near impossible to fully repair

Generally though for most of us, we are able to embrace our new experiences and sometimes without realizing it make slight or major changes to our personality overtime and/or we can choose to work on adjusting our structure bringing it closer to what we might desire

Therapy often could be a tool to help clear out blocks to making changes to how we would generally think, feel and behave

During one of her bouts of deep depression Ana May allowed herself the unguarded moment where some insight and truth, her truth was let in…

she Ana had always been the one making the compromises…her Dick simply expected her to

she Ana could always be sure of expressions of love from Dick after he received a compliment on her behalf, after lovemaking, after her support resulted in Dick realizing his goals…

Ana thought to herself but surely nothing is ‘wrong’ with these things, after all ‘any good woman would be happy to do these things’

then a wave of tears came….

its just that Ana allowed herself to admit…

even though she hardly asked for much her little requests were usually considered ‘badly timed’ ‘not really necessary if she thought it over’ ‘giving Dick undue stress’ or ‘just Ana being silly’…

but she Ana never…NEVER EVER would consider any ANY of Dick’s requests as ‘badly timed’ ‘not really necessary if she thought it over’ or ‘undue stress’ or ‘Dick just being silly’ … she waited upon Dick and waited and waited and waited upon Dick for years… 

the tears came down uncontrollably Ana May whispered bitterly ‘he never really loved me in a real way but that **** Dick sure loved all I did for him!’ …. ‘he never cared’ .… the pain of the thought was excruciating  and Ana only just heard Anabel’s cries because her friend had rushed in the room to comfort the child…

everyday some Ana May struggles under this realization  for Relationship Coaching or therapy … or if going through a major relationship change

Ana May hopes that her story helped someone


Calypso singers called  calypsonians have always taught 2 things;

  1. Assertiveness ….speaking out clearly about our view on a matter &
  2. Social Justice …. the part we all play in preserving social justice

On an individual level and within smaller communities both apply to our lives and this is not only if we live in the Caribbean

For Assertiveness Training life coaching … log on @


Could we get caught up in a LIP Service Love Insurance Plan as a couple? What does that look or sound like? 

Lots of crap taking place following with lots of pledges of forever love….talk is talk

And even talkers move in together, get married and have children together…the difference usually is in how couples experience their relationships…love relationships are hard work sure…but when you begin to feel like you’re not a trained dentist but ‘pulling teeth’ to keep a relationship going or to keep loving feeling for a partner…well…really what sort of Insurance PLAN are you working with as a couple? schedule a session or share the contact information with someone

all the things we can get for our love partner and some of the things we get together with them are simply PRODUCTS of our love process

caution… if or when we neglect or short change our process, we cannot substitute products and hope to get the same results as a couple who are working on their process from which their products proceed naturally

Relationship Coaching @


As a therapist heard it many times…”she hurls …

all sort of remarks, almost daring me to hit her, at the slightest retaliation she launches a physical assault, just don’t want to hit her that is not how I was brought up”…

does she hit….????????????????????

Simply put relationships provide some of the richest musical lyrics

Simply put a point reaches in a relationship when you literally either choose life or you choose to maintain a false façade…

Simply put partners at times overestimate the other partners love and willingness to accept behaviours they have complained about repeatedly

Simply put partners at times underestimate the other partners self-love and ability and willingness to do hard and deal with hurt if that is what is necessary

And simply put sometimes goodbye is the best buy we can purchase for our sanity health and wellbeing …

this rascal sings it best

for relationship related counselling/coaching

Status: Open Relationship

So we enter a relation-SHIP and we care and love each other so much .. we want the other… we want each other to be and remain sexually satisfied

So we enter a relation-SHIP but we are ‘realistic’ and appreciate that our partner or spouse will meet click and be attracted to other people

Answer = Open Relationship

But the fine print is ….

you are non-exclusively exclusive … meaning your base is with ‘me’ your partner or your spouse and your temp. comes in at your longing and you return to ‘me’ your base

POD … post orgasmic distress… why?

because when the gates are open there is the opportunity for synergy and no one can dictate synergy that energy exchange between people and how it will flow .. to adopt the attitude above is to treat one’s partner or spouse as a robot and to treat human behaviour as an exact calculable science ..  who is to say that the temp can not easily become the new base after all it is open and open also includes open to change ..

you are given permission to bond sexually but not otherwise

POD … post orgasmic distress… why?

of course it can be done and many claim how easily it is done too .. now can it always be done by everyone or by the same person always ahh now that is something else entirely .. because simply we carry all of us to an interaction and while it can be strictly sexual in terms of a need fulfillment (which honestly speaking it can never 100% be..) each interaction is open to moving from the sexual to other areas of connecting.. but as the base partner or spouse are you really open to that

devaluing of base spouse or partner is not part of the plan in fact it is just the opposite because the base partner or spouse is so modern and open-minded

 POD … post orgasmic distress… why?

but what happens after a while is the devaluing of the base spouse or partner .. thing is the relationship process is designed naturally to move away from that same over focus on the hot and bothered chemical urge to sexually connect and integrate more of the everyday interactions that build that appreciation for the base spouse or partner but with the opening of the relationship it is a working to keep the relationship at an all time high that unfortunately also means keeping that honeymoon phase where it s only so deep your partner can go in appreciating you …

but hey some claim it works once jealousy is kept out of the arrangement

With all due respect to any in an open relationship or who would choose to explore one in the future …

  • could it be that an open relationship is best suited to he/she who wants to find a way to be part of the more accepted from of relationship in spite of feeling stifled and or threatened by true intimacy
  • could it be that it is that many who are insecure about loving someone too much and being abandoned have found a way to reduce this feeling by finding a way to lessen the intimacy and always having a ready person or persons to turn to in the event the base spouse or partner leaves

Things are not always what it might seem or what we say .. for those who might benefit from related counselling or life coaching sessions .. register here

Musical inspiration can come at the weirdest times and with the oddest themes

Music floods our senses beginning with the auditory or the ears and then impacts our feelings our mood and our thoughts ….. imagine though when or if the musical flood is not in our best interest …

so lets consider this song “De Flood”

Flood of Excuses 

here we learn of a man who finds a way to sing himself out of a tough spot in a relationship … its such a beautiful melody  but what is beautiful about a ‘beautiful liar’ who ironically thinks that its a ‘white lie’ but lying in a relationship not only muddies our relationship psyche but it floods the relationship with suspicion and lots of relationship challenges and like a real bad flood … chances are we would then have a tough time moving our relationship forward through the flood of challenges ….

and if that is not enough if we were to bring gender into it … if or when a man tells a lie and it leads to a flood of tears by the woman some women have a tendency to swim through their tears and find all the places to block up to hinder that man going forward … so it might be better sometimes to ‘tell the whole truth and get a hard boot’ than to lie and create an even bigger real flood than the one our singer here chose to lie about

Beware of create unnecessary relationship floods