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Sexual Abuse

This article might be poorly timed for we are into the Caribbean Fiesta https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eyrcaHoKcS0 with the Carnival Season now upon us

Globally and within the Caribbean region sexual abuse of minors continues relatively speaking to remain an ostrich phenomenon. Surely now though with our global, ‘me too’ movement and the idea of ‘time up’ we are now hopeful of bringing this horrifying social phenomenon to light. A while before the ‘me too’ movement, authors such as Adele Jones in her 2013, Understanding Child Sexual Abuse: Perspectives from the Caribbean noted that increasing numbers of reports of child sexual abuse in the media suggest that either a higher proportion of the cases are being reported or that there are increasing instances of such abuse. This is where we want to dive deep on this media highlight of ‘Surviving R Kelly’ which we can hardly separate from the current “me too” context.

Writing this article, reflections of early practical experience as a therapist comes to mind. Female clients would present with a wide range of issues and the weirdest coincidence was that at least ninety percent of the presenting issues were in some way tied to abuse aftermath. So yes, there is an appreciation of the reality of the over-representation of females as survivors (kudos to those who support empowerment) of abuse. But wait, this experience was side by side of having the experience of asking out loud to more experienced psychologists, of searching the research and ‘Mr. Google’ or rather ‘Ms. Google’ in search of the missing link.

The foothold on our Monstrous Male narratives 

The missing link came after learning that many who experience abuse become abusers. In other words, to deliberately be long-winded; if someone experiences emotional abuse, they could also become emotionally abusive to others or abuse others in different ways, such as sexually or physically. If someone experiences sexual abuse, they could also become emotionally abusive or become a sexual predator, sexually abusing others. Now for the million or maybe it has now become a billion dollar questions; “if the abused often becomes the abuser, and there is an over-representation of males as abusers, then are little lads being abused and it going unnoticed?” and “if there is an over-representation of females as survivors of abuse, and much abuse goes unreported, then are many ladies also undetected or unreported abusers?”

R Kelly has a song “Trapped in the Closet” that has at least 19 Chapters   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dHPDjG-iETE In 2019, are we supporting the trapping in the closet of abuse of little lads? In 2019, is the “me too” movement while highlighting the challenges of little ladies and women in general in our patriarchal society, doing so at the expense of guiltily silencing lads who experience abuse?

Why ask such a question? For those who have watched at least the first two Series of ‘Surviving R Kelly’ it would be discovered that the predator might have at one time been the prey.

We never excuse the excusable 

Typical therapy emphasizes one thing to ‘survivors’ “it was not your fault”. So surely even if a male predator was in fact a prey that in no way is an excuse for his behavior. Surely too, the ongoing abuse of little ladies might now have a lot of women being fed up https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DIciKDEA_5U&list=PLNF1TtPlNbF87k2HshqLCpvEFTSlrspTB As R Kelly put it in his song ‘When A Woman’s Fed Up’; “when a woman’s fed up there ain’t nothing you can do about it”. So women are fed up and speaking out, no matter how many years later. For when it comes to abuse, it is never too late to speak out.

https://www.spin.com/2018/10/watch-the-trailer-for-lifetimes-docuseries-surviving-r-kelly/

Domestic Violence has been noted as a main contributor of women reaching emergency rooms, with over one million being seen at doctor’s offices https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-reality-corner/201302/behind-the-veil-inside-the-mind-men-abuse

Sexual abuse of girls and women is so prevalent that some mental-health and medical professionals suggest that screening for a history of abuse be a standard part of client intake  https://www.acog.org/Clinical-Guidance-and-Publications/Committee-Opinions/Committee-on-Health-Care-for-Underserved-Women/Adult-Manifestations-of-Childhood-Sexual-Abuse?IsMobileSet=false

This is especially so since the impact of such can negatively influence intimate relationships, parenting, family life and workplace dynamics.

How then do we benefit in 2019, from a simplistic approach to bringing abuse out of the closet, by emphasizing that many men are abusers and many females have been abused? Is this new news? Many therapists and medical professionals alike, and the survivors themselves would surely say “no!”. So what really then is the intent of the “me too” movement and the focus now on ‘Surviving R Kelly’. Have we now reached to the place where we are commercializing sex in the form of the replayed pain of sexual abuse. In other words are we ‘pimping’ out those who have been preyed upon?

If so, Who profits?  

Could we not be using the “me too” movement to highlight that ‘something’s wrong?’ and exploring what that might be and how we might address it? Could we not be twenty years later with reflections on ‘Surviving R Kelly’ explore what might be creating ‘male monstrous’ behaviors?   https://1in6.org/get-information/myths/

Or are we just about guaranteeing that we seem to be pressing forward, while maintaining our head in the sand? In that way we are already assured that we would have another series in the making, as Whitney Houston and Deborah Cox mentioned in a song, a case of same script, different cast https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KVh0_DQtwyU

As the saga continues, we all have our opportunity to join in and decide what we would or would not keep on the ‘down low’ which incidentally is the title of another R Kelly song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8icIgtdKkdA

Possibly, even as we enjoy the Caribbean Carnival season we could display what healthy sexual expressions look like while taking in reflections on ‘Surviving R Kelly’

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Caribbean_carnivals_around_the_world


So what’s trending these days ….another case of men and women who suffer from P M S….

POWER

MONEY

SEX

Who are our recent examples of person with PMS?

P M S = POWER MONEY SEX

What are the symptoms of PMS?

  1. This type of PMS has a starter and a finisher…for the starter the symptoms includes the belief that his/her position of authority and or influence aka POWER when combined with his/her MONEY gives him/her an entitlement to behave as regards to SEX  relations with another or others, however they might like without any regard for the feelings, thoughts or impact on their finisher. For the finisher the symptoms include a mild, moderate or severe feeling of helplessness and hopelessness when considering the alternative of not agreeing to the SEX relations in light of the MONEY and POWER which the starter possesses.
  2. The starter walks around thinking of himself/herself as untouchable due to his/her dynamic trio of POWER MONEY & SEX and continues to seek out prey at their fancy.
  3. The finisher walks around feeling jilted and cheated by life and either learns now to attract other starters for their survival or else aims to get lots of POWER MONEY and SEX and move from being a finisher to a starter.

What is the unique thing about this PMS?

Unlike the other PMS we know of that are linked to the potential joys of birthing new life….this type of PMS = POWER MONEY SEX…leads to a sort of sub_human existence, for the starter they now bring out their reptilian brain and cannibalism and walk true life as if in a jungle, fully on id, the pleasure principle where their drive is for more POWER more MONEY to allow for more SEX on their terms….for the finisher they now walk around as a turtle constantly moving with extreme care and caution and instead of boldly forging progressively through life move with the awareness that PMS can strike at any moment

Are you or someone you know been a sufferer of PMS? We can support you to #carryon without those symptoms that make our daily existence miserable or way below par…https://karryon.privacemail.com/

 

East or West he explains it does not matter… there are more appealing things that having character he explains…how much like is my life worth he explains… do we understand that a generation is being created that are losing themselves….and are not taking themselves to find themselves beyond what they are told from others…do we understand that there are people who will stop at nothing to maintain an impression…and literally stop at nothing…

yet we feed this everyday and some of us introduce it to our children before they can even speak….and unfortunately like he says they become prisoners to the pain of always feeling not good enough for there worth is now fully based on being who they think people want them to…

and so he sadly declares “I am I am I am a sick boy!” (and he is using boy as we use man) so girls are included 

#narcissism when or if you get into a relationship with someone like this just bow down and never rise…if you want it to work anytime you raise your head…troublehttps://karryon.privacemail.com/

unfortunately the best they can offer is their partner being part of keeping up an image and if you dare do anything against it well..and know this their partner is just like their cellphone just their to help create perfect selfies

 

It is the right of each child to be given a safe and healthy environment for their development….

do we really know how many children are abused Worldwide? Too Many!

are we aware of how many people abused as children develop mental health concerns? Too Many!

Listen to some sound advise from sexologist http://onikahenry.com/about-onika/

For related therapeutic sessions https://karryon.privacemail.com/

 

 

It’s funny when you thought you knew and were singing the lyrics of a song and then find out the real lyrics…so there were some fb discussions on this song … real issue being why have her sexuality so vocally lyrically on display in song…

well some might say its the festival of Carnival…

but does that really explain when we hear it from other cultures and other genders.. what about a vocal declaration in song that … “that PU*** is mine!”…

okay so now you might want to suggest its an ethnic thing… this vocal portraying of our sexuality…how then do we explain “I want to sex you up!”…

Hard to explain right.. okay so now its a generational thing…maybe maybe its more out in the open now … but when we hear “saltfish” no matter where we are from someone we get its not referring to a fish we would have on our literal plate…

Need we go on…. can we admit then we are Sexy for Life…

and if that is the case then we can run but we surely cannot hide… and this is the idea behind this upcoming Real Talk ‘n Real Time where we tackle the taboo topic of our sex and our sexuality … Tune in to YouTube soon soon coming soon….

 

 

 

Now this whole matter of #metoo has been something that as a therapist has been quite disturbing….

why?…… 

because for myself the idea of me too has always had positive connotations and something to be celebrated and

because the idea of saying me too very often seems somewhat to be making a mockery of whatever the issues are at hand … and this is exactly what many fear might be happening with the great number of men being accused of sexual abuse/assault years after the fact…as mentioned in conversations with others … where is the evidence? and this no doubt is the idea of Catherine Deneuve et al. with the signing of the petitions http://variety.com/2018/film/news/catherine-deneuve-letter-blaming-metoo-puritanism-unfair-punishment-of-men-1202658163/

So emphasizing with the innocent men…. but here is the thing…

sexual abuse, sexual assault, sexual harassment and bullying of women is ridiculously prevalent ….

and it is the ridiculous prevalence that allows the idea of #metoo to resonant so clearly

Here is an example…

A therapist met this guy. They had a brief sexual encounter which he chose to virally spread. This was in conjunction with the therapist being part of a sort of ‘reality show’ where she and this ex and one other woman would vive for this guy’s attention by it would seem their sexual performing abilities. The therapist was appalled, sought answers none were forthcoming. She realized the guy was not that innocent and it was generally felt she was over reacting. Eventually to make a long story short, it was decided therapist won the reality competition despite the fact that her oral expertise remain questionable. The therapist of course noted the psychological warfare and sexual harassment for what it is and has no desire for this guy. The result is to subtly bully the therapist to return and settle with this guy by withholding support.

Now does that story not seem unbelievable …and where is the evidence..there is none…but guess what …that therapist can also say #metoo…..

Seems  its a case of …

WOOOP There it is…

Yes WOOOP ….. women only objects of pleasure….. 

(and this then makes all sorts of unbelievable stories very true)

so guys while the empathy is there for the innocent….

we might be able to appreciate that it is only when or if we move pass forcing the code #254 aka BED on women and view them beyond the bedroom and bed performances that #metoo would resonant a little less

If you or someone you know might be recovering from related matters…either target or someone who is dealing with the guilt of having target someone, or someone who has been innocently accused … sessions available @ https://karryon.privacemail.com/

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Sometimes its hard to correct that which we might be endorsing in so many other ways… 

when it comes to domestic violence we all go up in alms if or when a woman is destroyed through death, yet women destroy men’s lives with their mouths tarnishing reputations, a boss might destroy an employee’s career by destroying their reputation, a political figure might destroy another’s public life unnecessarily because of a hidden agenda…  domestic violence is far more than when that man raises his hand at that woman

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence (and we use this term in a broad based way) log on https://karryon.privacemail.com/

So there this morning browsing on Facebook and approached for a live chat by two persons,

the first a gypsy man with a girlfriend in an open relationship…the second a single lesbian woman...what did these two people have in common?

Both thought it okay and quite appropriate to push boundaries by sharing pictures of their girlfriend having sexual relations with another man and pictures of her private….

Now how does this link to the Porn Industry?

Without wanting to appear to sit on a high horse a full disclosure would be once upon a time me too was part of the consumption of porn (use of #metoo deliberate)

Then it occurred to me one day …. as a therapist who have worked with persons who have processed sexual violations against them…how could porn be okay to view….

Yes …. there are people who view sex as creative expression and so take their art form to the big screen

Yes…. there are people who consider themselves to be sexually blessed and called to the screen

Yes… there are those who do it for the “Benjamin’s baby’

And then there are the #metoo

Those who have entered the porno industry because someone did NOT RESPECT THEIR PERSONAL BOUNDARIES …. at an early age and someone sexualized their childhood experience and so sex is all they know and being viewed as a sex object is all they know and they know no boundaries or about the right to privacy with regards to expression of their sexuality in that way…. 

Now how does the porno industry shift through to know who is who? Do they? CAN THEY? Would they?

Well until then the best PORNO Intervention is to have those who have come to know no boundaries with their sexuality … know that it is their right to have boundaries and that they can heal and choose differently

P.S. Thank you to those two persons who stimulated A Porno Intervention this morning